Hey Peter Pan...We found Tinkerbell!

Moms don't have the easiest job, I get that.  I am sure I did lots of things to my mother to make her question her sanity as to why she had me.  And I watch all those make-over shows, the moms are always so focused on their children that they let their own fashion and hygiene slip.  However this is just ridiculous and for once, the kids should not be blamed.

"The Body" as Heidi Klum is known for, (not making this up- I worked at Victoria's Secret I know) has as a supermodel probably gotten used to wearing interesting pieces of wardrobe.  I mean if you watch a fashion show, its not generally stuff you would see people walking down the road in.  I can't remember the last time I saw someone wearing a bright orange pointed dunce cap, black raccoon eyes painted on and a white wedding dress....I know quite the image, but you get where I am going. 

But coming out of a work meeting, even in NYC, this is a little strange.  And those shoes, where to begin...  The bag, what is she carrying in it, rocks?  Regardless of her supermodel status and the fact she has like 9 million kids (4 kids in actuality) this crime against fashion cannot be allowed.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well lose all the layers, I mean is she trying to be a fairy?  Those shoes should for sure be thrown out, and that bag...this is just a jumbled mess and cannot be fixed.

Lets be honest, Heidi I am sure has the best stylists in the biz.  And generally when you see her out with her husband Seal, she is dressed far better.  So I will leave the stylist alone...Heidi, you get all the blame for this winner.  Take it all home, get back in the swimsuits that made you famous, go to the beach, start a bonfire and BURN the whole ensemble!

The 90's? AGAIN?

Wikipedia defines "the grunge look" as:

Clothing commonly worn by grunge musicians in Washington consisted of thrift store items and the typical outdoor clothing (most notably flannel shirts) of the region, as well as a general unkempt appearance. The style did not evolve out of a conscious attempt to create an appealing fashion; music journalist Charles R. Cross said, "Kurt Cobain was just too lazy to shampoo," and Sub Pop's Jonathan Poneman said, "This [clothing] is cheap, it's durable, and it's kind of timeless. It also runs against the grain of the whole flashy aesthetic that existed in the 80's."

However Pete Wentz and his wife Ashlee Simpson Wentz make enough money so they do not have to share clothes, or go to the thrift store, or the local trash bin.  Pete, I have left you alone long enough and it still angers me you named your kid Bronx Mowgli, so here you go! 

I know some people are wondering who is this teenager, you know who you are.  Pete is the lead guitarist and main song writer for band Fall Out Boy.  (I know who?)  Anyways make lots of money, is married to the other Simpson sister, is a grown man, blah blah blah.  Yes, we all have our own style, but really is even trying? 

And why is he wearing his kids bonnet?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Not really much we can do, I am guessing this old dog won't learn new tricks.  And he is a clothing designer, yup saw the line in Nordstroms, he should know better.  We could let out the pants, remove the bonnet and give it back to Bronx and I will allow the "man bag" since I think its for the kid.  Sorry now all I keep thinking is from the 'Hangover', its a satchel. 

Regardless, this vent will not get any of us anywhere and I should probably be nicer, but what fun is that.  I do think he and Ashlee have stylists.  And I am sure when needed, he can-doesn't mean he will, dress appropriately.  Pete, if your excuse to wear that hat is your cold, BURN the pants and use the flames to keep yourself warm.  I mean c'mon your kid seems plenty fine in the Los Angeles weather.

Hulk....Angry....

I guess if you got it, your rock it right? Well all I can think is, this dress screams Incredible Hulk to me...what about you? Even has the tear on the thigh, c'mon, its a fair comparison. Don't get me wrong, I like Cameron Diaz, but this dress makes me angry.

The color is fine and at least she attempted to class up the movie premiere, for the movie she did with Tom Cruise. And I can appreciate trying to be sexy and flaunt your long legs with a slit up the side. Not sure however about the slit up the middle. And its pretty close to showing too much of Cameron.  And although I know she was pretty ripped for previous roles in action movies, she is bulging in places she probably shouldn't be. So the dress may be a bit too tight. Just because everything fits in the dress, doesn't make it right.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well go to alterations and get it let out a bit.  And then, well lets face it, we cannot replace fabric.  Just like I cannot make my jeans longer, I cannot move this slit around to the side or cover it up.  I am not a seamstress, but maybe if you let it out you can make the slit a little shorter?  But this is most likely satin, which I imagine is not too forgiving along the seams.

Again, I generally like her style.  So the stylist can keep his or her job.  I think this is a case of bad clothes and good people.  And its not as bad of some stuff I have seen, but I would want to start fresh, it would take oo much money going to alterations-she could just buy a new dress.  Cameron,  I just watched 'The Box' which I do believe bombed at the box office (I can totally see why) and take my advice.  Remove this dress, light on fire and BURN...which is what you should of done to that script when you got it. (Yep...it was that bad.)

"Have you seen my Harley?"

"I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas." 

                                                                                -Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

Fashion-wise on 'Gossip Girl', very few can hold a candle to Leighton Meester as Blair.  However, I can promise you that this outfit has never seen the light of day on screen...the costume designers would never allow it.

So what happened, I mean the girl is in Paris filming, fashion capital of the world. A shopping spree gone wrong?  No stylist supervision?  She ran into a biker who wanted to maker her his girlfriend?

Whatever the reason, this outfit doesn't work for her.  She is 24 years old and this outfit ages her tremendously.  Its not so much the leather but the embroidering and the piping, something I guess you try in Paris and not Los Angeles. Well try something else out Blair!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

As I mentioned, the leather is probably okay, but all that other stuff should be removed.  And she is pretty covered up, so such a chunky shoe isn't necessary.  The shoe must have some sort of structure, but not so heavy.  And maybe throw in some color with a summer shoe color? 

Long Story short, I love the character Blair on 'Gossip Girl', but even she couldn't be saved from this outfit.  I doubt she had time to have a stylist approve and obviously didn't run this by her wardrobe department.  Maybe its because I am so used to seeing her with a headband, but this whole outfit is so not her.  Leighton, find a nice romantic spot, grab your on-again, off-again BF, start a fire and BURN ASAP!!! 

-XO XO Gossip Girl

The Oscar doesn't go to YOU!

"Thank you Academy...this means so much.  First and foremost I would like to thank God.  And my parents, especially my creepy dad.  But most importantly the fans, without your support I would be nothing."

Oh wait, Jessica you're not accepting the little gold statue...you are the lil statue.  At first glance this dress may not seem so bad, but look closer.  When hiding "curves" one shouldn't necessarily wear things with lines to draw attention to them.  Also, nude is a tough color to pull off for almost anyone, especially if your pale.  And the dress is a little too long, you should be able to see a bit of her shoes or toes, not sure if her clutch goes or clashes with the shoes....I CANNOT SEE THEM! This was a mess, I mean a miss...and I didn't even show you the back. Picture a arrow pointed right at her tush, yep, you can't even make this stuff up.


Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Removing embellishment is number one job.  Then shorten it and see if you can dye it, several colors might work.  I am sure the designer won't like this, but you can't please everyone.  And she sure didn't please me with this dress.

One would assume with the mockery Jessica received with the mom jeans on stage, she would go out and hire the best stylist.  Her buddy Ken Paves got her hair right, so maybe he should become her fashion stylist and not just do her hair.  But with that said, we all know she has people, lots of people.  Although this dress isn't hideous and could be fixed, its not right for Jessica.  And lets face it, #1 job for a stylist is to know your client.  So I would say Jessica, although this isn't going to cause the mom-jean fiasco, FIRE!!!

BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE

I have never claimed to be a good singer.  And as talents go, musical ones would not be high on the list.  Although I maintain I play a mean drum on Guitar Hero.  I do think that I have an eye for fashion and picking out the good, the bad and the ugly in wardrobe picks.  And LeAnn Rimes, this the bad...but at least you can sing.

I realize the 80's are back and this dress reminds be of a Atari video games, very space invaders.  And US Weekly put this a Who wore it best poll on their website, so I actually saw what the dress was supposed to look like and there were definite alterations done here.  The dress was bunched at the sides, which could of been okay, but it looks like the hem has come undone and it is now making an unflattering hemline.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The dress might be fine if it was a solid color and had a simpler belt.  There are way to many angles going on with the heart shaped bust line, the belt with multiple points and again, the unflattering bottom hemline.  There is just too much going on that the eye has no idea where to look.  I would unbunch the dress and straighten out the skirt.  The shirt should be a straight line on the bottom.  Also a necklace might help draw attention to her face. 

I guess I can see what she was trying to do here, but it didn't work.  I will leave my personal comments about her personal life alone and simply say that stick to music, because picking outfits is not her forte.  I do believe she had a stylist for this one, so she should keep the dress and follow my instructions. Then LeAnn write a song about how you will FIRE your stylist and then do it...soon!

No Silver Lining Here

Everyone, guy or gal, should have a good suit.  It is as important as a woman's lil black dress or a mans nice watch, a staple really.  Whether your looking for a new job or going to a fancy event, it should be clean and ironed (one of my pet peeves is wrinkles).  And the Tony Awards is a big night for those Broadway type people.

However when I see this suit on Cate Blanchett,  I think of two things, 1) Action hero body suit and 2) slinky.  The jacket itself is fine and even without anything underneath it is okay, the necklace helps that out.  But the pants are entirely to tight.  I don't know what her shoes look like, I am guessing that judging my her silver clutch they are silver too.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Cate, this outfit is way to mono-tone.  Maybe if it was a black suit it would be okay or some of the shine was removed.  The pants need to be let out as well from the knee.  And a pop of color would definitely help, whether it be the clutch or the shoes.  Even throwing that lil black dress (I am sure you have one) under the jacket could hep.

She is a pretty classy dame, so I am sure she has a stylist.  I would be surprised if she didn't.  In fact, I would bet my slinky collection on it...if I had one that is.  After looking at other of her outfits, I have come to the conclusion its time to move on and get some new blood.  So Cate, call up your stylist, make them put on the suit and look at the mirror.  And while they are blinded by the gleam of the suit, FIRE them!!!

I Might Sing better than you Dress...

I am all for the dressed up business suit look, especially when going to a premiere.  I occasionally pull out the "Men's Wear" look for work and have come up with Vest Thursday.  Currently I am the only one that adheres to this in my work place, but that isn't the issue here.  The issue is, this thrown together outfit by that kid that was in that Disney movie...I think it was called 'High School Musical.'

Corbin Bleu, it looks like you threw three random grey pieces of clothing together and walked out the door to the 'Last Airbender' premiere.   I understand the, I just rolled out of bed look, may work for some Hollywood stars, but you are not cool enough to pull that off.  In fact, I don't think many of you can pull it off.  And your pants are wrinkled, do you know how to use a iron?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well first I would make sure your vest and pants match, even if one is pinstriped that is okay.  You may be able to get away with it if your shirt wasn't a tank top and a 3rd shade of grey.  Which leads me to my next point.  Put on a grown up shirt, a nice collared shirt would be great.  Any color will work, but if you want to be taken seriously as a actor, you may need to look like the young adult you are.  Also hate your shoes, are you planning on helping Santa in a few months?

Corbin, I assume you have some musical talent and that I guess when they say God doesn't give with both hands, this is true in your case.  He or she, did not give you the fashion gene, which is a shame, because do you even act anymore?  Due to that fact, I would say you probably don't have a regular stylist to help you out.  My consensus on your outfit is this, BURN your tank top, shoes and those pants, which are way too long for you and match your outfit to your vest.  And hire some help...your "metro" HSM co-star Zac Efron may be available for consultation...

Balloon Dart Game Anyone?

Let me start off by saying, no this is not Miranda from 'Sex and the City.'  Sorry old joke, but I know you thought it too. 

I was recently told that I need to broaden my age group of men and women that I "Pick On" or as I like to put it, am honest about.  But  I was raised to respect my elders, but you asked for it and I am here to give it to you. So I saw this picture and couldn't stop myself.  Two birds, one stone.

Oscar winner Tilda Swanson needs some serious help here.  At a recent movie premiere she showed up wearing what I can only assume in a black hot air balloon... turtleneck?  (Now I have 'Black Balloon' by the Goo Goo Dolls in my head-feel free to hum along when reading this.)

Hmmm, how to save the outfit? 

Lets face it, she is pretty pale, no crazy make up or hot shoes to detract from the ugliness of this dress.  Its not good for her body figure at all, but you could...?  What if you...? Nope cannot think of a way to fix it.  And are those blue satin shoes? 

Ok here is my suggestion Tilda, hire a stylist ASAP.  I know you don't make blockbuster films to make huge paydays-but certainly 'Michael Clayton' paid you well. And BURN the dress STAT!!! 

Still in Wonderland?

I am a big Alice in Wonderland fan. Its my favorite ride at Disneyland (the one in the caterpillar-not the teacups) and was my favorite kiddie movie. However even the fact that Mia Wasikowska was in the latest version of the movie, it cannot save her from me or my blog!

Focus on the outfit and not the hair...outfit-not the hair...outfit. Okay that lasted about a second, but this hair cut is terrible. But the dress may be even worse. I have no idea who made it and I do not care. All I can think of is the Friends episode where everyone was waiting to go somewhere and Joey put on all of Chandlers clothes on at the same time...I mean does it look like to anyone else that she opened up her closet and started grabbing things to layer on top of each other?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I think the easiest fix would be to remove the longer black lace skirt she has on over, what looks like a mini.  That would help tremendously.  I would also, if some of the blue cannot be removed, add some pizazz.  Maybe a cool bracelet with blue in it or some shoes with blue.  Right now it stands out like the Queen of Hearts giant head.

I feel like a stylist was involved in this debacle. She is still relatively young and I think her "people" would want to make sure she shows up in the best light.  I think the light bulb burned out on this one.  Only thing I can say is Mia, grab your stylist, throw them down the white rabbit hole and FIRE them...so I don't have to see their work again!