Rihanna-Singer turned Military Guard?

I think its fair to say that singer/now actress (although I don't know if a role in the bomb Battleship constitutes an actress title-but I will allow it) is considered a current fashion icon.  With her every changing hair styles and colors, to her creative outfits, her fashion is always being photographed and copied by her fans.  And while she has been on vacation or touring, or whatever she has been doing all summer, I have left her outfits alone.  Until today...

Kids, a see through black dress is just as bad as a see through white dress.  I don't like to see my own panty lines, why would I want to see yours!  If you look closely at Rihanna's dress she wore in London, you can not only see her underwear, but also her bra. 

"I see London, I see France...I see Rihanna's Underpants"

But both come second to those horrible combat boots she is wearing with the dress.  Is she trying out for Battleship 2-straight to DVD sequel?  I mean even the girl in the car with her has camo on, so it seems appropriate. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well besides the fact the dress and baseball cap are pretty boring, it just screams security detail.  Obviously she needs a slip or different colors of undergarments on first.  And maybe a pair of sandals instead of the boots. Something that will bring out the style of the necklace a bit more, it kind of just blends. I know Rihanna is all about her accessories.

We all make mistakes and I am sure Rihanna has a huge team and entourage to support all her needs.  So I will allow the slip up, get it "slip" up.  Buy some better undergarments or a thicker dress and BURN those shoes.  To quote Seth Green in the teen comedy circa 2002 (ah my childhood) Can't Hardly Wait, "Do they serve an orthopedic function?"  Enough said.

Time to Act your Age Avril Lavigne (Soon to be Kroeger)

Hey hey, you you, I don't like your outfit

No way, no way, I think you need a new one

Hey hey, you you, You should change your outfit.

Hey hey, you you, I know that you like it

No way, no way, you know it's not a secret

Hey hey, you you, You should change your outfit.

-Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
 (with a few lyric changes by me)

Avril Lavigne shocked the world, when her and finacee (shocker) Chad Kroeger announced their engagement, by showing off the enormous rock. The engagement wasn't as shocking as the fact that they were even dating.  But this outfit shocked me this morning...even more shocking, she is 27 dressing like she did when she was 20.  Time to grow up Avril, you are now embarking on your 2nd marriage in 3 years. 

Abbey Dawn is her clothing line she started in 2008, insprired by things out of her closet and then per the website, she started designing original pieces. Items include  metallic-print T-shirts, oversized hoodies, long-sleeved striped skater T’s, denim skinny and boyfriend jeans with built-in suspenders, printed leggings, tutus, and plaid mini-skirts.  But I am not sure this is the best example of her clothing line at all...

Oversized black rocker t-shirt...........check
Long baggie black skirt......................check
Oversized fedora hat...........................check
Red glasses...........................................check
Blue flip flop sandals.......... ................check
Good Outfit for Red Carpet...............ABSOLUTELY NOT

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Avril is only 5' 1" tall and this outfit, although may be thought to be cool, swallows her up.  And at age 27, she looks kind of ridiculous.  Surely there were better pieces in her collection than this.  If she wanted to wear the oversized shirt, throw on a pair of jeans.  When you do a oversized piece on one 1/2 of your body, you should always match it with something slimmer.  In turn if the skirt is what she wanted to feature, the top should of been tighter fitting.  Two oversized bulky pieces with a large hat, are bad news. 

Avril, I feel like maybe your stylists should be involved in your outfit selections.  I understand you still want to be the punk rock chick, but this isn't a stage performance.  You are the ambassador of your own line and you should act like it.  Plus you are marrying a man much older than you, might want to start trying to figure out how to look older (or I guess him to look younger?)  Anyways BURN the skirt, the hat and FIRE your stylists.  Obviously they need to stand up to you more and tell you this is wrong...if they picked this out for you, well shame on them!!!

Beach Attire not really Red Carpet Ready!

Summer in the Hamptons seems nice. Sandy beaches, beautiful people, dressed all in white (sorry this is what I have seen on Gossip Girl and Sex and the City episodes.)  They attend parties and the occasional red carpet movie premiere.  Or at least this is what I imagine.  But after seeing this picture of Gwyneth Paltrow, I will have to rethink this all.

At the 'End of Watch' movie premiere which stars Jake Gyllenhaal, and Anna Kendrick in a police drama, Gwyneth shows up in a blue patterned sun dress and tan sandals.  For the beach, completely appropriate. A layed back movie premiere, probably not so much.  And the beach wave hair style?  C'mon Gwyneth, you are better than this.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The sandals do nothing to help the outfit, but make it go down sandy hill fast.  Obviously she is trying to show off her legs, but those clodhoppers don't work for the dress or the event.  I would throw on a high heeled sandal, or dressier shoe.   And she tried the jewelry to dress up, but then the hair negates that effort.  If all else fails, put it up!

Gwyneth, I see what you were trying to do, but you failed.  So I would say the dress and jewelry are okay, but those shoes...BURN BURN BURN.  And then let the casual chips fall where they may. 

Kendall, Couldn't You of Found a Tanning Salon?

From time to time I have focused on other things that the celebrities are photographed with besides their clothes, such as beards, uni brows, hair cuts, etc.  Today I am going to teach you about tan lines.  And how they are avoidable for the camera lens if you are a celeb...or a mini celeb in this case or really anyone with a few hours.

Kendall Jenner (little sister to Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian) at RAINE Magazine Signing at Barnes and Noble in Calabasas with masive tan lines on her chest.  I didn't really think it was so important to show her whole outfit, as all I could notice was the top.  This is a mini Kardashian, surely they have a tanning machine in their house, or in one of their houses that she could of used.  I know Kim tans daily, couldn't little sis tag along?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

They have this great new thing now, called spray tan.  Obviously the sun tan lotion failed her, but I am here to tell you, spray tans are great.  And they don't take long to show up and can cover up any unforeseen tan lines.  Or  just don't wear a strapless dress!

Kendall is young, so I am sure she picked this out for herself and if you are sixteen, did you care about tan lines?  I doubt I did.  But surely Mama Kardashian Kris should be looking out for her kid.  Or is she too worried about the Kardashian brand?  Apparently the Jenner name doesn't carry so much weight, as she didn't even take Bruce's.  But that is another story for another time.  If Kris is "Managing" her daughter, Kendall might want to tell her mom to focus a little but more on her and not FIRE right away.  Keep the dress, its not the dresses fault it was paired with unfortunate tan lines.  But I guess there could be worse lines be showing...i.e. panty lines.

This is NOT Appropriate Daytime Hawaiian Attire Kim!

So before you ask, I am going to answer your question, yes I can read minds (no that's not the answer.)  The temperature in Hawaii, where this picture was taken, it 86 degrees.   Answer to your second question, no she didn't need to wear knee high suede boots.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are apparently enjoying a refreshing yogurt while on vacation in Hawaii.  I know when I plan a relaxing trip and go out for the day, I always throw on my Givenchy leather skirt, suede boots and t-shirt on. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

We all know Kim likes to glam it up.  So I will allow the skirt, if I must.  But the boots are ridiculous for Hawaii and for during the day.  Maybe a cute pair of leather flats?  Maybe even in a fun color?  My next question is, do they always have to wear black?  Hell, MTV even made a joke about it on a commercial for the MTV Awards:

The pieces themselves are not bad, probably cost more than my month rent for just the t-shirt.  But I don't think they are an appropriate day outfit. But at least its not one of her daily tweeted photos of her in her bikini. So no need to do anything drastic, just don't pair them together...during the day...in Hawaii...WHEN ITS 80 DEGREES OUTSIDE!!!  And are you as shocked as I am that they are letting Kanye back into the MTV Awards show? 

A Bow isn't ALWAYS a Good Thing!

Just because its vintage and has a bow, doesn't make it okay...makes it "Bridesmadey." Yup, just made up a word to describe Jessica Chastains dress at the NYC premiere of 'Lawless' this week.  I initially scanned right by it, seeing only the top half of the dress.  Luckily on second glance, I got a better look at the ensemble, well not sure luckily was the right word to use.

The Yves Saint Laurent velvet dress with a ruffled hemline and giant bow is generally not the most flattering look for Jessica or anybody.  Apparently they missed the memo of less is more. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Just that less, is more.  I would get rid of the ruffles and the bow and you have a much better start.  She did try and add a little fun with a pop of color for her bracelet and of course the red lips, which I can appreciate.

I think Jessica usually looks better than this, saw a lot of her during 'The Help' Oscar run last year.  And this could be one of the worst things I have seen her ever wear, so I will give her team a break on this one and say just BURN the dress.  Leave the rest!

When Animal Print Tops go Bad...and WRONG!!!

Its hard to mess up a black pencil skirt, but at the 2012 Hollywood Foreign Press Association Luncheon in Beverly Hills, Jennifer Lawrence did just that. 

As you can see by my clearly marked picture, the bottom half is very adult, professional and appropriate for the"A-Lister" to be wearing.  And then we go from good to bad, with the snake print low cut top.  Its almost like she lost her jacket on the way to event and this is what was left.  She is busting, no pun intended, out of the top. Pair that with the messy hair style, she looks like she had a little afternoon fun.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well as I have clarified, the bottom half is good.  I think the top might be fine, but the bust area is a bit too small.  Maybe go up a size in the Narciso Rodriquez design and alter the waistline of the top, as a bigger size will be too big.  And if all else fails, throw that jacket back over it.  Or a sweater would of been an improvement.  The hair can go up and throw on a bracelet with a pop of color and she is golden.

Jennifer is poised to be the next Kristen Stewart (whether she likes it or not), tied to the Hunger Games Trilogy for a long time as Kristen is with Twilight.  But what she does do much better than Kristen is dress, so I am going to let this one slide as a momentary lack of judgement by her and her team.  BURN this top up and I wont compare you to Ms. Stewart for the foreseeable future!

Miley Should Worry about her NEW DO, before saying "I Do"

I was really going to leave Miley Cyrus alone for a little bit, I swear.  I felt like I was picking on her a bit and her clothing selections.  And questioning what Liam Hemsworth sees in her.  I know tons of people who love her, so obviously there is something there.  But it is like she is baiting me.  And after seeing comment after comment on Miley's new hairdo, I figured, I should break my silence and comment. 

Quoting one of my friends, "WTF?" I am not sure there is anymore I can say to sum my thoughts up.  Not only did she bleach her brown locks, but she chopped them off.  Put her do in a ponytail and cut cut cut.  I cannot help but think of the last time we saw such a drastic hair change...can you say Britney?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well as you can see, I for once am not commenting about her outfits, so nothing I can really fix.  And I am way out of my league in talking about hair and how fix as I am not a stylist. Maybe she can wear a lot of hats or a wig.  But I do want to give her one piece of advice...Miley when wedding planning becomes to much and if you need a stand in, Malfoy (from Harry Potter) and Tank Girl are available!!!

From Left to Right: Draco Malfoy and Tank Girl

Madonna Needs a Prayer after this Outfit

I imagine if you are a Music Superstar/Pop Culture Icon like Madonna, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Say, Go or wear whatever you want.  Or at least YOU thinks so.  Me personally, I know that when you are too old to be wearing certain things you shouldn't and this is a perfect example of this belief, DON'T DO IT!

"What the F--- am I wearing?"

At the opening of her Hard Candy Fitness Gym in Moscow, Madonna rocked this 80's inspired black lace dress and tight over the knee boots.  Even her posture in the picture screams outfit confusion. First thing, she is 53 years old, does she really need to be wearing something so short?  I know she is in shape and wants to show off to promote her gyms.  But those boots are way way way too tight.  I am not sure I have ever seen 'Muffin Tops" directly above the knee until now.  And the black gloves and cross necklace scream classic Madonna, a la 'Like a Prayer' music video.

Hmmm, how to save this outfit?

Honestly, the dress might make a cuter top if she wore pants or a different skirt.  Something that could possibly cover up those boots.  If she is dead set on leather something, throw on some leather pants under the "dress" and some high heels. 

I post this blog with a Warning to Madonna:  Keep wearing outfits like this, the impersonators and the Halloween outfits are going to continue to get worse.  BURN this entire outfit and I would stop picking my own outfits.  But at least these women aren't dressing you...

Outfit LOSE-Apalooza for Kelly Osbourne

So Lollapalooza 2012 in Chicago was this last weekend.  And like any multiple day music festival, audience outfits can be questionable.  Especially since they stand around for days watching bands like Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Black Keys and Black Sabbath in the hot hot sun...drinking (among other things.)

But Kelly Osbourne took it a little too far, especially given the fact that she is one of the hosts of E's Fashion Police. Yes, she came out to support her fathers band, but is that really a excuse to wear this? She better hope co-host Joan Rivers doesn't see this, or she is going to get a earful.  P.S. If you watch the show, its pretty obvious Joan gets the "good" jokes, while everyone else gets the rest-probably written into her contract.  I have no doubt it will be brushed under the rug come film time, so I figured I should bring it up.  So here goes...

I wont lie, kinda torn between a joke about a fairy meets an Umpa Lumpa or a reference to Gem and the Holograms.  Both might be too nice for this outfit.  So lets  just break  down the fashion infractions:

1. Messy Purple Hair

2. Bleached Eye Brows

3. No Makeup (minimal amount)

4. Ugly 2 Piece Outfit

5. Shoes that don't even go with Outfit Theme

6. Boring Accessories

7. Should I really keep going?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well at least she is skinny,  I hate it when people try to show off skin and should not.  Good job to her for working hard on looking healthier.  The hair color might be acceptable for the type of event and even the dress...if it was all in one piece. But the shoes don't go, I am never a fan of bleaching eyebrow's to look like you shaved them and her accessories are lacking.  I can only think she wanted to tame them down due to the dress, but when your dress bombs, what do you turn to?

So I am assuming she took this risk on her own.  I am eager to see if she tells her fellow fashion hosts the truth and fesses up to her messes. (Get it, it rhymes.)  Kelly, I would BURN the top of the dress, its not your friend.  And promise to wear the skirt and shoes with other pieces and not together.  And PLEASE dye your eyebrows back, heck, even making them purple would be an improvement!!!