No Blue Skies Ahead

I know, I know...your thinking,"But I love her."  Please do not throw things at me.  I can hear you as your reading this, "But I love Reese, she is so cute."  Not in this dress she isn't.  Reese Witherspoon what happened? 

Even you, have to think this dress is not the most flattering on her. Its just BLAH!  There isn't anything real great about it.  It reminds me of a smock you wear when you go to get your hair done.  The color brings out her eyes, there something nice. 

But the embroidery makes her look much older than she is and the lack of shape, well lets be honest, that's how rumors start.  And what is she holding in her hand?  It looks like a worn wallet or something.

Hmmm...how to save the outfit?

Again the color is nice and the shoes are cute.  Maybe a little too matchy matchy though.  But my big problem is the style of the dress.  I don't think a belt would work.  I would try to bunch or sinch it in the back somehow.  Might work, might not, but if you can do that it would be a vast improvement. 

Well Reese, I will be honest, I am not the biggest fan.  And my mother wants me to date your ex Jake  Gyllenhaal, (cuz that will happen), so keep wearing outfits like this.  It will keep him from getting back with you.  But regardless, I cannot support this dress.  But you generally have better fashion habits than most, so I will give you this one time a free pass. 

The dress, will not get the same forgiveness.  I don't even think the Bend and Snap from 'Legally Blonde' will help you this time.  BURN, BURN, BURN.

Prison Break?

I suppose when your rock'n'roll royalty, you are allowed a certain amount of 2nd chances.  What do they say, Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll?  So I guess in some cases, 3rd, 4th and 5th chances are allowed. (I would like to say while I am typing this Tom Petty just came on the radio-seems apropos)  But what if you are the royalties daughter?

Liv Tyler, I am a big Aerosmith fan.  In fact, I will be seeing you father in a bout a week or two in concert.  But please, if you come to the show, do not wear this. 

I don't really think I even need to rip on this look too much, the picture does just fine without my fancy smancy words.  All I will say, don't you look like a little Jailbird and what's with the pooch?  No not the dog, the stomach.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I suppose if you threw a skirt on the girl, in a color, maybe even black could work and removed the tights, it would be a step in the right direction.  Throw on a cute pair of heels and you got a girl who used to be a model!

At first I thought this picture was taken while leaving a business meeting or something.  But then, when was the last time you had velvet ropes blocking the way to your work?  So she knew there would be photogs there.  Liv, I am sure a few of these items can be salvaged and made into a outfit...your stylist I am not so sure about.  Simply put, FIRE!!!

Where's the Groom?

So if you watch TV, read magazines or surf the Internet, you will know like 50 different couples got married this weekend.  Okay, so maybe a bit of a over-exaggeration, but A LOT in any case.  So Congrats to those people, I suppose that is the correct way to do it.  I won't mention them all, because then this blog would get way too long.

However, I know what your thinking, white dress + Vegas (TAO is in Vegas) + Pamela Anderson = WEDDING.  Nope, she wore this ugly dress on her own...or we haven't been told about the nuptials?  Is she even dating anyone?  Regardless, this mesh dress was worn to celebrate her bday...not a wedding.

But she isn't longing by the pool, actually onto her way into a night club.  I know living by the beach in California, you become accustomed to a certain level of laid-back-ness.  However, this is just ridiculous.  If you go to Vegas night clubs its all about the glitz and glamour. 

Hmmm, how to save the Outfit?

Lets be honest, it doesn't take someone to work at Victoria's Secret to know, you do not wear a tube top dress when you have a chest as large as hers.  I understand she was going to a "beach" theme club where it was all around the pool, but that doesn't excuse the lack of structure.  She isn't 22 years old anymore! (Sorry Pam)  The white is fine...but white mesh?  I think I see her underwear or bikini bottoms underneath the dress and believe me, I don't have to look too hard.

Maybe she should of given up the beach look and gone to get married.  At least we know she does that well...I would say to Pamela, hire a stylist and remove that dress.  Go to one of the thousands of stores in Vegas, which are ALL open late night and buy something nicer.  Then walk over to the Mirage Hotel and wait for the Volcano to erupt and throw this dress into the fire and watch it BURN!!!

Color Blind Much?

Not even sure where to start this one off...I guess at first I thought this was some crazy mannequin.  Or thought, are they trying to recast Kim Cattralls role in Mannequin? For those of you that don't know, way back in the 80's she did the movie...way way WAY before Sex and the City.  About a guy who worked in a department store and shocker, fell in love with a mannequin.  She came to life from time to time...typical 80's movie.  I mean they are all being made into remakes these days.

 But then I realized, nope that is just crazy Mischa Barton.  I used to love her style on the television show, 'The OC.'  (Except the flats, she always wore them and I still cannot get behind flats.  Even at 6'0" I will throw on the heels.)  With the crazy pattern of the dress, the bright lime green purse and the black bow hat (?), my eyes are getting a headache.  And no, the cameras aren't even shooting her, look at the background.  But Mischa needs all the help she can get, so lets see what we can do.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well first the pattern may not be so bad, if there was less of it.  I would cut it into a much shorter style, maybe even a little mini dress.  Throw on flats or a high heels, in a solid color, I mean the dress is a WOW-ZER, why add on crazy shoes to match.  Remove the lime green purse and add again, a more subtle bag and perhaps the head piece, whatever it is, can stay.

The dress can be saved, throw the bag out.  I have seen Mischa out recently and it hasn't been good.  I often wonder if she is trying to get into the sequel to 'Alice in Wonderland' (you know there will be one) with some of the wild outfits.  My advice to Mischa, besides laying off the Hollywood parties, is to FIRE your current stylists immediately and hire someone new...or no one will take you seriously. 

Hey Peter Pan...We found Tinkerbell!

Moms don't have the easiest job, I get that.  I am sure I did lots of things to my mother to make her question her sanity as to why she had me.  And I watch all those make-over shows, the moms are always so focused on their children that they let their own fashion and hygiene slip.  However this is just ridiculous and for once, the kids should not be blamed.

"The Body" as Heidi Klum is known for, (not making this up- I worked at Victoria's Secret I know) has as a supermodel probably gotten used to wearing interesting pieces of wardrobe.  I mean if you watch a fashion show, its not generally stuff you would see people walking down the road in.  I can't remember the last time I saw someone wearing a bright orange pointed dunce cap, black raccoon eyes painted on and a white wedding dress....I know quite the image, but you get where I am going. 

But coming out of a work meeting, even in NYC, this is a little strange.  And those shoes, where to begin...  The bag, what is she carrying in it, rocks?  Regardless of her supermodel status and the fact she has like 9 million kids (4 kids in actuality) this crime against fashion cannot be allowed.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well lose all the layers, I mean is she trying to be a fairy?  Those shoes should for sure be thrown out, and that bag...this is just a jumbled mess and cannot be fixed.

Lets be honest, Heidi I am sure has the best stylists in the biz.  And generally when you see her out with her husband Seal, she is dressed far better.  So I will leave the stylist alone...Heidi, you get all the blame for this winner.  Take it all home, get back in the swimsuits that made you famous, go to the beach, start a bonfire and BURN the whole ensemble!

The 90's? AGAIN?

Wikipedia defines "the grunge look" as:

Clothing commonly worn by grunge musicians in Washington consisted of thrift store items and the typical outdoor clothing (most notably flannel shirts) of the region, as well as a general unkempt appearance. The style did not evolve out of a conscious attempt to create an appealing fashion; music journalist Charles R. Cross said, "Kurt Cobain was just too lazy to shampoo," and Sub Pop's Jonathan Poneman said, "This [clothing] is cheap, it's durable, and it's kind of timeless. It also runs against the grain of the whole flashy aesthetic that existed in the 80's."

However Pete Wentz and his wife Ashlee Simpson Wentz make enough money so they do not have to share clothes, or go to the thrift store, or the local trash bin.  Pete, I have left you alone long enough and it still angers me you named your kid Bronx Mowgli, so here you go! 

I know some people are wondering who is this teenager, you know who you are.  Pete is the lead guitarist and main song writer for band Fall Out Boy.  (I know who?)  Anyways make lots of money, is married to the other Simpson sister, is a grown man, blah blah blah.  Yes, we all have our own style, but really is even trying? 

And why is he wearing his kids bonnet?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Not really much we can do, I am guessing this old dog won't learn new tricks.  And he is a clothing designer, yup saw the line in Nordstroms, he should know better.  We could let out the pants, remove the bonnet and give it back to Bronx and I will allow the "man bag" since I think its for the kid.  Sorry now all I keep thinking is from the 'Hangover', its a satchel. 

Regardless, this vent will not get any of us anywhere and I should probably be nicer, but what fun is that.  I do think he and Ashlee have stylists.  And I am sure when needed, he can-doesn't mean he will, dress appropriately.  Pete, if your excuse to wear that hat is your cold, BURN the pants and use the flames to keep yourself warm.  I mean c'mon your kid seems plenty fine in the Los Angeles weather.

Hulk....Angry....

I guess if you got it, your rock it right? Well all I can think is, this dress screams Incredible Hulk to me...what about you? Even has the tear on the thigh, c'mon, its a fair comparison. Don't get me wrong, I like Cameron Diaz, but this dress makes me angry.

The color is fine and at least she attempted to class up the movie premiere, for the movie she did with Tom Cruise. And I can appreciate trying to be sexy and flaunt your long legs with a slit up the side. Not sure however about the slit up the middle. And its pretty close to showing too much of Cameron.  And although I know she was pretty ripped for previous roles in action movies, she is bulging in places she probably shouldn't be. So the dress may be a bit too tight. Just because everything fits in the dress, doesn't make it right.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well go to alterations and get it let out a bit.  And then, well lets face it, we cannot replace fabric.  Just like I cannot make my jeans longer, I cannot move this slit around to the side or cover it up.  I am not a seamstress, but maybe if you let it out you can make the slit a little shorter?  But this is most likely satin, which I imagine is not too forgiving along the seams.

Again, I generally like her style.  So the stylist can keep his or her job.  I think this is a case of bad clothes and good people.  And its not as bad of some stuff I have seen, but I would want to start fresh, it would take oo much money going to alterations-she could just buy a new dress.  Cameron,  I just watched 'The Box' which I do believe bombed at the box office (I can totally see why) and take my advice.  Remove this dress, light on fire and BURN...which is what you should of done to that script when you got it. (Yep...it was that bad.)

"Have you seen my Harley?"

"I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas." 

                                                                                -Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

Fashion-wise on 'Gossip Girl', very few can hold a candle to Leighton Meester as Blair.  However, I can promise you that this outfit has never seen the light of day on screen...the costume designers would never allow it.

So what happened, I mean the girl is in Paris filming, fashion capital of the world. A shopping spree gone wrong?  No stylist supervision?  She ran into a biker who wanted to maker her his girlfriend?

Whatever the reason, this outfit doesn't work for her.  She is 24 years old and this outfit ages her tremendously.  Its not so much the leather but the embroidering and the piping, something I guess you try in Paris and not Los Angeles. Well try something else out Blair!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

As I mentioned, the leather is probably okay, but all that other stuff should be removed.  And she is pretty covered up, so such a chunky shoe isn't necessary.  The shoe must have some sort of structure, but not so heavy.  And maybe throw in some color with a summer shoe color? 

Long Story short, I love the character Blair on 'Gossip Girl', but even she couldn't be saved from this outfit.  I doubt she had time to have a stylist approve and obviously didn't run this by her wardrobe department.  Maybe its because I am so used to seeing her with a headband, but this whole outfit is so not her.  Leighton, find a nice romantic spot, grab your on-again, off-again BF, start a fire and BURN ASAP!!! 

-XO XO Gossip Girl

The Oscar doesn't go to YOU!

"Thank you Academy...this means so much.  First and foremost I would like to thank God.  And my parents, especially my creepy dad.  But most importantly the fans, without your support I would be nothing."

Oh wait, Jessica you're not accepting the little gold statue...you are the lil statue.  At first glance this dress may not seem so bad, but look closer.  When hiding "curves" one shouldn't necessarily wear things with lines to draw attention to them.  Also, nude is a tough color to pull off for almost anyone, especially if your pale.  And the dress is a little too long, you should be able to see a bit of her shoes or toes, not sure if her clutch goes or clashes with the shoes....I CANNOT SEE THEM! This was a mess, I mean a miss...and I didn't even show you the back. Picture a arrow pointed right at her tush, yep, you can't even make this stuff up.


Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Removing embellishment is number one job.  Then shorten it and see if you can dye it, several colors might work.  I am sure the designer won't like this, but you can't please everyone.  And she sure didn't please me with this dress.

One would assume with the mockery Jessica received with the mom jeans on stage, she would go out and hire the best stylist.  Her buddy Ken Paves got her hair right, so maybe he should become her fashion stylist and not just do her hair.  But with that said, we all know she has people, lots of people.  Although this dress isn't hideous and could be fixed, its not right for Jessica.  And lets face it, #1 job for a stylist is to know your client.  So I would say Jessica, although this isn't going to cause the mom-jean fiasco, FIRE!!!

BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE

I have never claimed to be a good singer.  And as talents go, musical ones would not be high on the list.  Although I maintain I play a mean drum on Guitar Hero.  I do think that I have an eye for fashion and picking out the good, the bad and the ugly in wardrobe picks.  And LeAnn Rimes, this the bad...but at least you can sing.

I realize the 80's are back and this dress reminds be of a Atari video games, very space invaders.  And US Weekly put this a Who wore it best poll on their website, so I actually saw what the dress was supposed to look like and there were definite alterations done here.  The dress was bunched at the sides, which could of been okay, but it looks like the hem has come undone and it is now making an unflattering hemline.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The dress might be fine if it was a solid color and had a simpler belt.  There are way to many angles going on with the heart shaped bust line, the belt with multiple points and again, the unflattering bottom hemline.  There is just too much going on that the eye has no idea where to look.  I would unbunch the dress and straighten out the skirt.  The shirt should be a straight line on the bottom.  Also a necklace might help draw attention to her face. 

I guess I can see what she was trying to do here, but it didn't work.  I will leave my personal comments about her personal life alone and simply say that stick to music, because picking outfits is not her forte.  I do believe she had a stylist for this one, so she should keep the dress and follow my instructions. Then LeAnn write a song about how you will FIRE your stylist and then do it...soon!