When Life Gives You Lemons...You DON'T Always Need to Make Emmy Dresses

Apparently the color of the 2012 Primetime Emmy's last night was yellow...yup yellow.  And a bright yellow at that, a lemon yellow if you will.  A bold choice for fall, but we are still having summer weather in California, so I say why not?  But not all the women who chose this color came off like a spring chicken.
 

From L to R: Hannah Simone, Julianne Moore, Renee Bargh, Kaley Cuoco, Julie Bowen and Claire Danes

 As anyone can clearly see, there were a couple hits and some misses, I even circled them for you.  Julianne Moore must of been sweating her little tail off in the sun yesterday with her long sleeved gown.  Very matronly...too much so for my taste.  And Claire Danes, I know she is pregnant, but doesn't she look like she is attending a BBQ or beach party, not so much a red carpet event.  However these weren't the worst of the yellow light offenders.

Leslie Mann

Leslie Mann, are you attending a circus?  Not sure if she reminds me of this because of her clown looking pants or that they look like a tent.  Either way, not a great look.  The skirt of the dress completely overwhelms the 5'7" Mann, which by Hollywood standards makes her a pretty tall actress.  Still no excuse.  I keep waiting for the clown shoes to pop out from underneath.

Hmmm, how to save the outfits?

Ok, if you are on television this is like Oscar night.  So wardrobe selections should be very important and not taken lightly.  And some of the women in this post even won, so there images will be seen for years to come.  And in People, US Weekly, Perez Hilton Blog, etc.  So this wont be so much as how to save the dress as a how to save the actress from herself and her stylist!

I think all these women are generally well dressed.  I hope Julianne doesn't go the way of Diane Keaton and start wearing pant suits for the rest of her life.  And Claire I know can do better.  We can attribute this to pregnancy and a bad idea (looking at you stylists).  And Leslie Mann, I kinda naturally vote you the quirky one of the trio.  I do think you usually do a bit better, but think that maybe you need to take a better look at who is dressing you.  All and all, I wouldn't do anything drastic, but will be watching next year...

P.S. Check out who E! picked at the worst dressed...I got 2 of the 4.  And that is only because I didn't see the last two women's dresses, yikes!!!  Worst Dressed at the Emmys

Anne, My Grandma Wants her Curtains Back!

Apparently the wardrobe requirements for the New York City Fall Ballet Gala are tuxes and long flowing dresses.  Realize this is just from looking at all the stars on the red carpet, not because I was there.  I wasn't aware it was such a fancy event.  Some of the women in attendance didn't miss a beat and pirouetted over the rest.  Anne Hathaway was not one of them.

There was just too much material, which is ironic since ballerinas run around in hardly any, pretty much leotards and tights.  But this mostly see through floral gown overwhelmed her and made her look much older than she is.  Speaking of which, I think my grandma had those curtains when I was little...

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The back is open slightly, but that is all the skin she shows.  A few options, remove sleeves, shorten dress, make the front a lower cut, etc.  But probably wouldn't be appropriate for the event.  I just don't think this was a good pick by Anne or her people.  I mean she is only 28, not 68.  And the hair doesn't help either, but nothing we can do about that.

Anne, a poor showing for the event, but I still like you.  I would like to show you how a long flowing dress can be done better.  Sarah Jessica Parker, a.k.a. Carrie Bradshaw was also in attendance.  She wore a sleeveless floral gown that was much more appealing.  And I generally don't like her outfits, so this was a pleasant surprise.  So BURN this dress and show your stylists SJP's dress as a example of what to wear.  And make sure they stick to it, or else you make need to go looking for some new peeps very soon...

And watch your turn out!  (Besides pirouette and plié, its the only other ballet term I know.)

Is that Lindsay or Amanda? Its so hard to tell...

Too easy of a target?  Eh, I will allow it.  At least she isn't driving, right America?

Amanda Bynes, former child star, turned movie star and possibly the next Lindsay Lohan was photographed getting in a blue cab on Sunset Boulevard.  Again, lets be happy she isn't driving and will not get into another fender bender this week. (Yup, cannot even just say this year.)

I would cover my head too Amanda, yikes, did you get this from Lindsay's closet.  Summer white slip dress,black leather jacket, black ankle boots and two purses?  If I am not careful, every sentence I write is going to include a question mark, her outfit is that confusing...as is her behavior.  Summer is over Amanda and so is this outfit.  Hopefully your career isn't next.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Give it back to Lindsay?  Pick a season and stick with it? In all seriousness, there are certain dresses that can definitely go from summer to fall, but white mini cotton dresses are not them.  And the boots and jacket were just a bit to harsh with the light dress.  If you are trying to slowly get into your fall wardrobe, maybe throw on a heavier cardigan first with the dress.  Its certainly not leather jacket worthy in Los Angeles right now.

I would like to note that I just saw that Lindsay was brought in last night to the police station in NYC for not knowing she hit a pedestrian and leaving the scene.  Just when we thought she pulled a page from her terrible movie 'Just My Luck' and gave all her bad luck to Amanda.  Come to think of it, has anyone seen these two together?  Maybe if they come together the world will explode.  I guess we are getting off topic...I can't blame Amanda's people for this and nothing is terrible, so lets just keep watching to see where the Amanda Bynes train wreck goes from here!

Newest Version of a Potato Sack?

Lindsey Lohan seems to be a easy target for bad things, comments and otherwise.  And I am going to keep this strictly business, since I know enough people enjoy ripping on Li-Lo and I will not even mention her crazy parents. (Aside from that comment).  But I hear America loves a comeback and maybe she is next...see Britney Spears on the XFactor.  But comeback or not, this outfit should go away!

Lindsey went to Lady Gaga's fragrance opening in NYC and showed up in this baggy brown polka dotted dress, a.k.a, the potato sack.  By the way its belted and the sides flapping out, it makes her seem much bigger and shapeless than she is.  And the top is too round.  I can appreciate she wanted to look sophisticated and her age, but this is too old for her. In retrospect, maybe a brown potato sack would be more flattering.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I think because its so bulky on both the top or the bottom, one half needs to be fitted more.  If she sticks with the top, I would like to see the skirt shorter and closer to her body.  And the slit up the middle seems to add even more layers to the dress.  If she wants to keep the bottom of the dress, the top needs to be tightened up.

Let's face it, might not be her worst photograph or outing, I mean she didn't get in a car accident or fall into a planter while leaving a club.  A step in the right direction.  I don't think Li-Lo will listen to my words of wisdom, but if she did, I would say keep the shoes and BURN the dress.  And maybe reunite with Dennis Quaid for Parent Trap 2?  I mean c'mon, she was so cute and innocent then...

MTV Music Awards-I Expected More...

I have a lot of comments about last nights MTV Awards, most of which I will keep to myself.  I remember growing up watching big flashy performances, knowing all the songs and huge stars from all industries in attendance. I found this years extremely lack luster in appearances and performances and fast forwarded through most of it...except for Pink's performance.  The girl loves her aerial ropes. But for your approval, here is a quick version of my MTV awards fashion observations:

Left to Right: Nicki Minaj, Miley Cyrus, Pink, Jessica Szohr, Chris Brown and Wesley Snipes (in Demolition Man)

Well Nicki Minaj was...Nicki Minaj.  In a patterned body suit with red piping and bright yellow wig, it seemed like she was ready to perform.  But then realized that was her red carpet out.  Was she trying to be a cop for the night?  Or cat burglar?  But I guess that is her persona, wild crazy outfits and hair. 

Hey Pink, I think Miley Cyrus is trying to steal your look! I know Miley wants to appear older and tougher, but stealing Pinks style isn't going to help.  What's next-are you going to dye your hair pink too?  Pink beat you to that already too...

And Jessica Szohr with the  slit up both sides black dress, lace up ankle booties and a animal print headband, I am not sure where you are going. Safari?

Finally to Chris Brown, Wesley Snipes wants his hair back from Demolition Man.  You look ridiculous.  And I am still trying to figure out when people started liking him again? 

Hmmm, how to save the outfits?

Probably not really the point of saving, but more commenting on them.  And I think I feel better with my fashion rant above.  There were lots more terrible outfits, mostly from the men in the rapping industry.  I didn't know camo shorts, wife beaters and a lack of style were red carpet approved.  But I guess in the hip-hop industry its allowed?  So I left them alone, what is the point?   I guess it all comes down to I expect more from the women above and, "If you can't say anything nice...come sit next to me!"

WWE-Thanks for the Memories...and the Camel Toe!

Ordinarily I would never put this out there, but something last night that I saw was so shocking and so terrible, that I am going to make a full confession.  I,  Nicole Sanchez, being of sound mind, like WWE wrestling.  I blame my father who introduced me to it as a child on Saturday mornings with my brother.  I grew up watching Hulk Hogan, the Ultimate Warrior, Stone Cold Steve Austin and so on.  (Remind me to tell you the story of when Stone Cold walked into Victoria's Secret when I was working.)   But regardless, I know its not real, the storylines are fake, I know they don't always get hurt and I think it is hilarious.  And when no other television is on, generally during the summers, I tune in to remember my childhood.  And lets face it, its amusing.  And we all need that in our life.

So imagine my surprise when last night, the moves, actions or outfits of the male wrestlers didn't grab my attention, but one of the female managers camel outfit did.  And not the camel color...but the camel toe!

Her name is Vicky Guerrero and she manages this wrestler named Dolph Ziggler.  That isn't important, what is important is to know she doesn't wrestle, doesn't generally get involved, simply stands outside and yells annoyingly "Excuse Me" on the top of her lungs.  So she doesn't need to wear tight shorts and a top that seems to tuck in the front.  And shorts that are not flattering for any woman, unless of course you want to promote your crotch.  Simply put, she looked like she had a cup on underneath the outfit.

Hmmm, how to fix the outfit?

Simple, DO NOT ever wear something like that again.  I looked it up, Monday Night Raw gets about 4.5 million viewers.  Not too bad for a USA Network show.  So not only did I see this horrendous outfit, but so did a lot of other people.

I am pretty sure that the WWE has enough money and enough foresight to hire wardrobe people.  I mean who else could make those amazing outfits you see some wrestlers wearing (that was sarcasm in case you are wondering).  I will continue to monitor Vicky's wardrobe selection for a couple more weeks-till better shows return-so no need to be rash in demanding a beheading or firing.  But I would encourage her to BURN this very soon.  Although, I don't really like her either, so as far as I am concerned she can keep wearing her terrible outfits and I will mute out her "EXCUSE ME" from here on out!

The Machine should help Florence with her Outfit

I saw Florence + the Machine in Santa Barbara this summer to kick off their tour.  Girl can sing...but she cannot dress,   YEESH!!! 

Florence Welch and I have never really had much in common fashion wise, this was apparent when I saw her on tour.  But this...this is a whole other level of bad. At the Venice Film Festival she wore multiple Miu Miu patterns, high water pants and high heeled ankle boots.  Her accessories aren't much better than her outfit.  She looks like that kid who went on a growth spurt right before the first day of school...and then apparently went blind right before picking out her clothing.

Hmmm, how to save this outfit?

Both patterns are pretty bold, too much to mix.  Generally if you are going to mix patterns, one should be a bit more subdued, like a pinstripe.  Then you can do a crazy floral pattern like she tried since the more minimalist pattern becomes the solid.  I guess picking a basic colored top or bottom wasn't in her plans and throwing on the black belt and shoes comes off somewhat harsh since most of the tones in the outfit are brown.  What happened to her trademark crazy dresses?  Pretty sure that would of been better than this debacle. 

While flipping through my Ipod, I see she has a song titled 'Strangeness & Charm' which seemed to fit while writing this post.  However while strange, this look is certainly not charming.  BURN the entire thing, nothing to save. And doesn't she even look uncomfortable and maybe a little angry?  So I am guessing someone told her to wear this, so FIRE them as well.  And finally, stick with music, not fashion...

Rihanna-Singer turned Military Guard?

I think its fair to say that singer/now actress (although I don't know if a role in the bomb Battleship constitutes an actress title-but I will allow it) is considered a current fashion icon.  With her every changing hair styles and colors, to her creative outfits, her fashion is always being photographed and copied by her fans.  And while she has been on vacation or touring, or whatever she has been doing all summer, I have left her outfits alone.  Until today...

Kids, a see through black dress is just as bad as a see through white dress.  I don't like to see my own panty lines, why would I want to see yours!  If you look closely at Rihanna's dress she wore in London, you can not only see her underwear, but also her bra. 

"I see London, I see France...I see Rihanna's Underpants"

But both come second to those horrible combat boots she is wearing with the dress.  Is she trying out for Battleship 2-straight to DVD sequel?  I mean even the girl in the car with her has camo on, so it seems appropriate. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well besides the fact the dress and baseball cap are pretty boring, it just screams security detail.  Obviously she needs a slip or different colors of undergarments on first.  And maybe a pair of sandals instead of the boots. Something that will bring out the style of the necklace a bit more, it kind of just blends. I know Rihanna is all about her accessories.

We all make mistakes and I am sure Rihanna has a huge team and entourage to support all her needs.  So I will allow the slip up, get it "slip" up.  Buy some better undergarments or a thicker dress and BURN those shoes.  To quote Seth Green in the teen comedy circa 2002 (ah my childhood) Can't Hardly Wait, "Do they serve an orthopedic function?"  Enough said.

Time to Act your Age Avril Lavigne (Soon to be Kroeger)

Hey hey, you you, I don't like your outfit

No way, no way, I think you need a new one

Hey hey, you you, You should change your outfit.

Hey hey, you you, I know that you like it

No way, no way, you know it's not a secret

Hey hey, you you, You should change your outfit.

-Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
 (with a few lyric changes by me)

Avril Lavigne shocked the world, when her and finacee (shocker) Chad Kroeger announced their engagement, by showing off the enormous rock. The engagement wasn't as shocking as the fact that they were even dating.  But this outfit shocked me this morning...even more shocking, she is 27 dressing like she did when she was 20.  Time to grow up Avril, you are now embarking on your 2nd marriage in 3 years. 

Abbey Dawn is her clothing line she started in 2008, insprired by things out of her closet and then per the website, she started designing original pieces. Items include  metallic-print T-shirts, oversized hoodies, long-sleeved striped skater T’s, denim skinny and boyfriend jeans with built-in suspenders, printed leggings, tutus, and plaid mini-skirts.  But I am not sure this is the best example of her clothing line at all...

Oversized black rocker t-shirt...........check
Long baggie black skirt......................check
Oversized fedora hat...........................check
Red glasses...........................................check
Blue flip flop sandals.......... ................check
Good Outfit for Red Carpet...............ABSOLUTELY NOT

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Avril is only 5' 1" tall and this outfit, although may be thought to be cool, swallows her up.  And at age 27, she looks kind of ridiculous.  Surely there were better pieces in her collection than this.  If she wanted to wear the oversized shirt, throw on a pair of jeans.  When you do a oversized piece on one 1/2 of your body, you should always match it with something slimmer.  In turn if the skirt is what she wanted to feature, the top should of been tighter fitting.  Two oversized bulky pieces with a large hat, are bad news. 

Avril, I feel like maybe your stylists should be involved in your outfit selections.  I understand you still want to be the punk rock chick, but this isn't a stage performance.  You are the ambassador of your own line and you should act like it.  Plus you are marrying a man much older than you, might want to start trying to figure out how to look older (or I guess him to look younger?)  Anyways BURN the skirt, the hat and FIRE your stylists.  Obviously they need to stand up to you more and tell you this is wrong...if they picked this out for you, well shame on them!!!

Beach Attire not really Red Carpet Ready!

Summer in the Hamptons seems nice. Sandy beaches, beautiful people, dressed all in white (sorry this is what I have seen on Gossip Girl and Sex and the City episodes.)  They attend parties and the occasional red carpet movie premiere.  Or at least this is what I imagine.  But after seeing this picture of Gwyneth Paltrow, I will have to rethink this all.

At the 'End of Watch' movie premiere which stars Jake Gyllenhaal, and Anna Kendrick in a police drama, Gwyneth shows up in a blue patterned sun dress and tan sandals.  For the beach, completely appropriate. A layed back movie premiere, probably not so much.  And the beach wave hair style?  C'mon Gwyneth, you are better than this.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The sandals do nothing to help the outfit, but make it go down sandy hill fast.  Obviously she is trying to show off her legs, but those clodhoppers don't work for the dress or the event.  I would throw on a high heeled sandal, or dressier shoe.   And she tried the jewelry to dress up, but then the hair negates that effort.  If all else fails, put it up!

Gwyneth, I see what you were trying to do, but you failed.  So I would say the dress and jewelry are okay, but those shoes...BURN BURN BURN.  And then let the casual chips fall where they may.