No Silver Lining Here

Everyone, guy or gal, should have a good suit.  It is as important as a woman's lil black dress or a mans nice watch, a staple really.  Whether your looking for a new job or going to a fancy event, it should be clean and ironed (one of my pet peeves is wrinkles).  And the Tony Awards is a big night for those Broadway type people.

However when I see this suit on Cate Blanchett,  I think of two things, 1) Action hero body suit and 2) slinky.  The jacket itself is fine and even without anything underneath it is okay, the necklace helps that out.  But the pants are entirely to tight.  I don't know what her shoes look like, I am guessing that judging my her silver clutch they are silver too.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Cate, this outfit is way to mono-tone.  Maybe if it was a black suit it would be okay or some of the shine was removed.  The pants need to be let out as well from the knee.  And a pop of color would definitely help, whether it be the clutch or the shoes.  Even throwing that lil black dress (I am sure you have one) under the jacket could hep.

She is a pretty classy dame, so I am sure she has a stylist.  I would be surprised if she didn't.  In fact, I would bet my slinky collection on it...if I had one that is.  After looking at other of her outfits, I have come to the conclusion its time to move on and get some new blood.  So Cate, call up your stylist, make them put on the suit and look at the mirror.  And while they are blinded by the gleam of the suit, FIRE them!!!

I Might Sing better than you Dress...

I am all for the dressed up business suit look, especially when going to a premiere.  I occasionally pull out the "Men's Wear" look for work and have come up with Vest Thursday.  Currently I am the only one that adheres to this in my work place, but that isn't the issue here.  The issue is, this thrown together outfit by that kid that was in that Disney movie...I think it was called 'High School Musical.'

Corbin Bleu, it looks like you threw three random grey pieces of clothing together and walked out the door to the 'Last Airbender' premiere.   I understand the, I just rolled out of bed look, may work for some Hollywood stars, but you are not cool enough to pull that off.  In fact, I don't think many of you can pull it off.  And your pants are wrinkled, do you know how to use a iron?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well first I would make sure your vest and pants match, even if one is pinstriped that is okay.  You may be able to get away with it if your shirt wasn't a tank top and a 3rd shade of grey.  Which leads me to my next point.  Put on a grown up shirt, a nice collared shirt would be great.  Any color will work, but if you want to be taken seriously as a actor, you may need to look like the young adult you are.  Also hate your shoes, are you planning on helping Santa in a few months?

Corbin, I assume you have some musical talent and that I guess when they say God doesn't give with both hands, this is true in your case.  He or she, did not give you the fashion gene, which is a shame, because do you even act anymore?  Due to that fact, I would say you probably don't have a regular stylist to help you out.  My consensus on your outfit is this, BURN your tank top, shoes and those pants, which are way too long for you and match your outfit to your vest.  And hire some help...your "metro" HSM co-star Zac Efron may be available for consultation...

Balloon Dart Game Anyone?

Let me start off by saying, no this is not Miranda from 'Sex and the City.'  Sorry old joke, but I know you thought it too. 

I was recently told that I need to broaden my age group of men and women that I "Pick On" or as I like to put it, am honest about.  But  I was raised to respect my elders, but you asked for it and I am here to give it to you. So I saw this picture and couldn't stop myself.  Two birds, one stone.

Oscar winner Tilda Swanson needs some serious help here.  At a recent movie premiere she showed up wearing what I can only assume in a black hot air balloon... turtleneck?  (Now I have 'Black Balloon' by the Goo Goo Dolls in my head-feel free to hum along when reading this.)

Hmmm, how to save the outfit? 

Lets face it, she is pretty pale, no crazy make up or hot shoes to detract from the ugliness of this dress.  Its not good for her body figure at all, but you could...?  What if you...? Nope cannot think of a way to fix it.  And are those blue satin shoes? 

Ok here is my suggestion Tilda, hire a stylist ASAP.  I know you don't make blockbuster films to make huge paydays-but certainly 'Michael Clayton' paid you well. And BURN the dress STAT!!! 

Still in Wonderland?

I am a big Alice in Wonderland fan. Its my favorite ride at Disneyland (the one in the caterpillar-not the teacups) and was my favorite kiddie movie. However even the fact that Mia Wasikowska was in the latest version of the movie, it cannot save her from me or my blog!

Focus on the outfit and not the hair...outfit-not the hair...outfit. Okay that lasted about a second, but this hair cut is terrible. But the dress may be even worse. I have no idea who made it and I do not care. All I can think of is the Friends episode where everyone was waiting to go somewhere and Joey put on all of Chandlers clothes on at the same time...I mean does it look like to anyone else that she opened up her closet and started grabbing things to layer on top of each other?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I think the easiest fix would be to remove the longer black lace skirt she has on over, what looks like a mini.  That would help tremendously.  I would also, if some of the blue cannot be removed, add some pizazz.  Maybe a cool bracelet with blue in it or some shoes with blue.  Right now it stands out like the Queen of Hearts giant head.

I feel like a stylist was involved in this debacle. She is still relatively young and I think her "people" would want to make sure she shows up in the best light.  I think the light bulb burned out on this one.  Only thing I can say is Mia, grab your stylist, throw them down the white rabbit hole and FIRE them...so I don't have to see their work again!

Lose the Dress...Keep the Shoes

This one actually pains me...and I am really hoping that it is just a super bad angle. Bad Photographer! Its fair to note that doing press for a movie, such as 'Eclipse' that you are going to need a few outfits.  And somewhere down the line you are bound to miss a step.  I will admit, I don't always leave my house 100% satisfied with my attire. And it bothers me more than I would like.  But Ashley Greene...what happened?

This Donna Karen lace dress adds about 50 pounds onto her in all the wrong areas.  Not flattering at all about this dress and I am not sure who to blame:

• Donna Karen
• Ashley Greene and/or her stylist
• Photographer that took the picture
• Black Dresses in general
• Those darn wolves

Hmmm...how to save the outfit?

Hopefully its the angle, but if not...I would try and tighten the bust area first off.  Ashley is not that top heavy.  I would tear off the bottom tier of the dress, its entirely too long for her 5'5" frame.   And maybe move the bow to the back?  I know it needs to be sintched, but I think there might be way too much going on. 

Giving Ashley and her stylist (if used) the benefit of the doubt, I would say keep the dress and take it to get altered ASAP.  I mean even in baseball, your likely to strike out now and then....we will call this one Strike 3 Ashley.  Better luck next time!

Walk of Shame

I understand on a casual weekend day, I may not leave the house in the best condition.  Sometimes my hair might be messy, or my t-shirt a little wrinkled, heck I may go to get a pedicure with little stubby ankle  hair. (Hey man, I have long legs, that is a lot of leg to shave and you know you have done it too.)  

However, I am not Britney Spears, who even though I think her dad might still be managing her money, has WAY more than I will ever have in a lifetime...maybe 10 lifetimes.  She couldn't afford a little bit better of a casual outfit than this?  Is she having trouble picking a season?  I mean summer dress or winter flannel?  This picture was taken yesterday in Los Angeles, so not really a need for the Seattle staple. I would rather be cold than try and blend these two, very different looks together. They say love is blind, so her boyfriend (sorry don't really care to know his name) must be really in AMOR.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I suppose these pieces separate are fine.  I would say if your cold Britney, maybe throw on some jeans.  You could probably tuck in the dress and blouse it up to look like a top.  Maybe then you can remove the flannel.  It does seem like a sunny day behind you-and I know June is not really flannel season.  If your dead set on the flannel, at least pick something underneath it that matches...a thermal body suit?

This outfit ranks with the likes of mini skirts and uggs...you know who you are!  Obviously no stylist was required Brit, you picked this winner out on your own.  So congrats to you-you saved a few bucks.  I would say take the flannel, throw it in a empty trashcan nearby, BURN it and maybe it will warm you up enough wear only the dress. 

Please Will, Don't Hurt the Children

You know when your watching news or something about children and someone comes on and says, "I blame the parents?"  Well... do I really have to say it?  In this case, I have to blame the parents.  If this is Hollywood royalty, I want no part of it.

Jada Pinkett Smith....sorry, I would say I am speechless, but when am I ever speechless?  So nice family outing to the BET awards, turns drastically bad.  I will leave the kids alone, if not simply due to all the children's laws out there (that means you Perez).  But I thought I should at least share this lovely family portrait...wait, where is Will?

What is it with women in Hollywood forgetting their pants these days?  I guess the theory of forget pants-must remember tuxedo jacket takes effect here. Her top is for, all intensive purposes, a leotard.  I do not see parallel bars or a balance beam anywhere.  Did she use this outfit to break out of jail?  Because that is where this outfit belongs. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well its not too hard...add pants, a skirt, shorts, skorts...heck I would even support those old-skool  MC Hammer pants.  Again, the kids I will leave alone...to protect the innocent.

Enough said, I think I have been very clear how I feel about this ensemble.  Again, where is Will?  He is probably at home burning all their clothes, so they wont show up in public again looking like this.  Go home, see your dad/husband, remove clothes and watch them all BURN!!! 

P.S.  Smith family, ff you did hire a Stylist (which I don't think you did)...do not let them near your children EVER AGAIN.

Should of stayed with the Scrunchie

I have in the past been accused of being jealous of one, Stacy Ferguson.  You may not know who I am speaking of, so I attached a picture of her for your convenience.  I know, how could I ever think poorly of  this cute lil blue-eyed blond girl, who used to be on 'Kids Incorporated'.  Which if I remember correctly, that was like the step down from the 'The`Mouse Club' right?  But now she is all growns up and we now know her, (thanks Black Eyes Peas) as Fergie. Or as we call her in my neck of the woods, "But-her-face." 

Yes, she is married to Josh Duhamel, which may bother me a bit. And yes, Josh Duhamel is HOT.  And yes, I keep calling Josh Duhamel by his full name.  But in this outfit she tried to rock at the BET Awards last weekend, Fergie doesn't even deserve a full name.  Josh did not attend the awards show, but in all fairness, would you go with her in that outfit?

I think she was trying to go for a tuxedo look.  She failed.  The front, although very short, not even half as bad as the back, which is why it was the main focus.  For someone with a "tush,"  not always the best thing to accentuate it with two black pieces of fabric.  And what's with the point coming down in the back?  Kinda reminds me of utters for some reason.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well I like her shoes, so that is one thing she has going for her in a long list of issues.  If she wanted a short dress, which judging by the front she was not concerned about covering anything up, she should of stuck with that.  I would dye the whole thing black and even out the whole skirt, so its all one length. Or even better, remove the bottom half, looks like two pieces anyways and throw on a different mini skirt.  But make sure you have the same shade of black Fergie, I don't want you on this list again.

Little Stacy Ferguson, what happened? I understand you were trying to earn some sort of street cred, but this was not the outfit to try and prove you belong in the Peas.  Remove the outfit and BURN immediately!

Keep the shoes.

 

Time to Walk the Plank Ladies

I started watching soaps when I was little, like maybe four years old little, thanks Mom.  In fact, I changed my Barbie and Ken's names to Tina and Cord (One Life to Live) and I maintain that is the real reason I cried every day on the way to pre-school.  I would miss my shows.  After seeing pictures from last nights Daytime Emmy's, I see why I stopped watching Soap Opera's...until August 11th- Welcome back Brenda!

I understand that the Emmy's, being held in Vegas, is a chance for the stars to go a bit overboard.  But these three ladies, should just jump ship now.  In fact the Treasure Islands ship is docked all day long-head on over ladies!

Let's start with the two ladies from 'Young and the Restless'.  You have earned your show worst dress-CONGRATS!!!  Michelle Stafford (left), your 45-years old, act like it. You should not be missing parts of your dress-and you have chest crack.  And Sharon Case (middle), your so cute on the show, what the heck happened?  You have bulges in places you shouldn't have them and is your dress bunched around the hips? How do either of you expect to keep Nick Newman if you look like this.  And Rebecca Buding (right) from 'All My Children'-there are no words. Looks like you took, what could of been a cute slip dress and put a crumbled skirt over it and wore jelly bracelets around your ankles.  I mean c'mon your newly single, live it up!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Simple...there is no way to save these outfits.  Lets face it, none of these dresses are flatering at all.  And not worth the time to try and fix.

I mean this is like the Oscars for Soap Opera Stars, so stylists were definitely hired.  I know all these ladies dress much better on their shows, thank you wardrobe people.  Next time hire your wardrobe department, FIRE your stylists immediately and collectively BURN these outfits...and the shoes, yes I said it, especially you Buding!

Not Green with Envy

I have been waiting, hoping that one day my Prince Charming will come for me.  And here he is...NOT!  You don't know who he is do you?  Well don't feel bad, he's not really famous, busy mooching off the famous Kardashian Clan.  Which if we are honest with ourselves, what did they do for their fame?

Anyways its not about them its about Scott Disick here.  The "loser" boyfriend of the Kardashian daughter, Kourtney.  I didn't give him the title at all either, the show did, but compared to Lamar Odom and Reggie Bush (the other daughters husband/off-and-on again boyfriends), he was demoted quickly.  Sorry getting off subject again...

Hey Scott, get back on my Lucky Charms box!  Go find a rainbow and full fill your destiny of dancing around the pot of gold because you look like a leprechaun.

I am all about pinstripe suits, but mint green?  And in the daytime? With royal blue pants? So obviously you grew up in the Hampton's and you don't want any to forget it.  But your in LA, in the afternoon, not about to go a green tie affair.  Please dress accordingly. 

Hmmm, how to fix the outfit?

Well first pick a color pallet and then go with another one.  This green may not your best color and that should be noted and filed away for another day.  But if your gonna try and rock the green suit, own it, and go all the way with the pinstripes. I wouldn't of gone with another patterned tie.  And if your going to a dinner and you want to dress up a bit, don't you know Hollywood is all about the classy top half/denim clad bottom half?  Throw on some jeans, untuck the shirt and lose the tie...pronto!

I know you wouldn't even think about a stylist, although your girlfriend does own clothing stores, you should consider hiring her to help out. So for today, spend some time looking in the mirror (although I am sure you do that enough) and FIRE yourself for the day!