Miley Should Worry about her NEW DO, before saying "I Do"

I was really going to leave Miley Cyrus alone for a little bit, I swear.  I felt like I was picking on her a bit and her clothing selections.  And questioning what Liam Hemsworth sees in her.  I know tons of people who love her, so obviously there is something there.  But it is like she is baiting me.  And after seeing comment after comment on Miley's new hairdo, I figured, I should break my silence and comment. 

Quoting one of my friends, "WTF?" I am not sure there is anymore I can say to sum my thoughts up.  Not only did she bleach her brown locks, but she chopped them off.  Put her do in a ponytail and cut cut cut.  I cannot help but think of the last time we saw such a drastic hair change...can you say Britney?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well as you can see, I for once am not commenting about her outfits, so nothing I can really fix.  And I am way out of my league in talking about hair and how fix as I am not a stylist. Maybe she can wear a lot of hats or a wig.  But I do want to give her one piece of advice...Miley when wedding planning becomes to much and if you need a stand in, Malfoy (from Harry Potter) and Tank Girl are available!!!

From Left to Right: Draco Malfoy and Tank Girl

Madonna Needs a Prayer after this Outfit

I imagine if you are a Music Superstar/Pop Culture Icon like Madonna, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Say, Go or wear whatever you want.  Or at least YOU thinks so.  Me personally, I know that when you are too old to be wearing certain things you shouldn't and this is a perfect example of this belief, DON'T DO IT!

"What the F--- am I wearing?"

At the opening of her Hard Candy Fitness Gym in Moscow, Madonna rocked this 80's inspired black lace dress and tight over the knee boots.  Even her posture in the picture screams outfit confusion. First thing, she is 53 years old, does she really need to be wearing something so short?  I know she is in shape and wants to show off to promote her gyms.  But those boots are way way way too tight.  I am not sure I have ever seen 'Muffin Tops" directly above the knee until now.  And the black gloves and cross necklace scream classic Madonna, a la 'Like a Prayer' music video.

Hmmm, how to save this outfit?

Honestly, the dress might make a cuter top if she wore pants or a different skirt.  Something that could possibly cover up those boots.  If she is dead set on leather something, throw on some leather pants under the "dress" and some high heels. 

I post this blog with a Warning to Madonna:  Keep wearing outfits like this, the impersonators and the Halloween outfits are going to continue to get worse.  BURN this entire outfit and I would stop picking my own outfits.  But at least these women aren't dressing you...

Outfit LOSE-Apalooza for Kelly Osbourne

So Lollapalooza 2012 in Chicago was this last weekend.  And like any multiple day music festival, audience outfits can be questionable.  Especially since they stand around for days watching bands like Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Black Keys and Black Sabbath in the hot hot sun...drinking (among other things.)

But Kelly Osbourne took it a little too far, especially given the fact that she is one of the hosts of E's Fashion Police. Yes, she came out to support her fathers band, but is that really a excuse to wear this? She better hope co-host Joan Rivers doesn't see this, or she is going to get a earful.  P.S. If you watch the show, its pretty obvious Joan gets the "good" jokes, while everyone else gets the rest-probably written into her contract.  I have no doubt it will be brushed under the rug come film time, so I figured I should bring it up.  So here goes...

I wont lie, kinda torn between a joke about a fairy meets an Umpa Lumpa or a reference to Gem and the Holograms.  Both might be too nice for this outfit.  So lets  just break  down the fashion infractions:

1. Messy Purple Hair

2. Bleached Eye Brows

3. No Makeup (minimal amount)

4. Ugly 2 Piece Outfit

5. Shoes that don't even go with Outfit Theme

6. Boring Accessories

7. Should I really keep going?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well at least she is skinny,  I hate it when people try to show off skin and should not.  Good job to her for working hard on looking healthier.  The hair color might be acceptable for the type of event and even the dress...if it was all in one piece. But the shoes don't go, I am never a fan of bleaching eyebrow's to look like you shaved them and her accessories are lacking.  I can only think she wanted to tame them down due to the dress, but when your dress bombs, what do you turn to?

So I am assuming she took this risk on her own.  I am eager to see if she tells her fellow fashion hosts the truth and fesses up to her messes. (Get it, it rhymes.)  Kelly, I would BURN the top of the dress, its not your friend.  And promise to wear the skirt and shoes with other pieces and not together.  And PLEASE dye your eyebrows back, heck, even making them purple would be an improvement!!!

Liam, It is NOT Okay to Share Pants with Miley!!!

If your girlfriend or Fiancee can "Co-Own" pants with you and they are not sweatpants (which I guess is the only acceptable option), there is an issue.

Miley Cyrus, who apparently tweeted this picture, although I thought she was done with Twitter (?), bragged about her and her Fiancee Liam Hemsworth pants.  But apparently really wanted to show off her abs.  I don't so much care about her abs, as much as they fact as her and her Fiancee share pants.  Liam Liam Liam...your want to be considered a heart throb and apparent action hero in the 'Expendables 2'?  Do you think Jason Statham, Vin Diesel, etc share pants with their girlfriends?

Lets put it this way.  Liam is 6' 3" and Miley is 5"6."  And even with her sagging her pants, there is barely too much material.  Which to a person who is 70% legs like myself, I know that these pants on Liam will be too short.  Liam, high waters really?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Liam, do not share pants with your fiancee.  You and her are both rich enough to afford your own-and they aren't even good pants.  Miley give your man his pants back so he can BURN them!

Another Day...Another Movie Premiere...Another Bad Dress

Total Recall opens in the theaters today and so the premiere photos have been plentiful.  And as much as I would like to pick on some men in suits, who am I kidding, I don't want to pick on men in suits.  I like men in suits, more men should wear them.  But the premiere performance that bombed (hopefully the movie wont) comes from the female stars of the film, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel.

Left to Right: Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale

Let's start with Kate first, as she is on my list of 'Style I Admire.'  But I do not admire this dress.  Kate is pretty and has such an amazing physique that she can pull almost anything off, but even this Anaconda looking dress is too much for her.  Did she kill it and skin it on her way?  Cuz that may have made it more interesting.  As one of the few female action stars (see Underworld Trilogy) and looks badass in the trailer, I would believe it. But what I cannot believe is her hair stylist let her go out in with what I can only phrase as Medusa Snake looking hair.  She has amazing hair-I think she could of done better.
Now on to Jessica...in a light pink Dior number.  The pockets on the side seem to be a new trend, but aside from the fact that she looks like a giant cotton candy, there is nothing else to the outfit.  The jewels she is wearing don't fit with the style of the dress-shouldn't be wearing pearls?  And the shoes and matching clutch do very little to help out the look.  But the worst part is the length of the dress.  It needs to either be shorter or longer, but not mid calf.

2012 Fall Christian Dior Show Model

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

For Kate, I just don't like the dress.  It was a brave attempt, but with no other accessories and lack luster hair, there is nothing to stand against the dress.  So I wouldn't try the look again.  Maybe if it was a shorter dress-like a python mini dress?  Add some amazing heels and there is a bit of a start.  For Jessica, the length is wrong to begin with too.  As you can see in the models picture from the Dior Runway show, the length on the model is much more flattering.  And I love her Electric Blue pumps.  The model completely outshines the movie star in this one, maybe Jessica's people should take another look at this photo before attempting this again.

Kate and Jessica probably shouldn't want to recall this event outfits ever again, sorry bad joke, but I think you get the idea.  Kate you need to BURN this dress and Jessica, this makes you a repeat offender.  Time to start deciding if you want to keep your peeps or FIRE.  I personally would take a long look at the shoe choices. But I have seen you look much better recently, and if I were you,  I would expect more from the people I pay to dress me.  Just saying...

Heidi Klum...You are on my List!

There are several celebs that I have written about that may be some of the worst dressed people period...this includes the candidates of TLC's 'What Not to Wear.'  I think I have been been real transparent about them-Miley, Olsen Twins, Kristen Stewart, Etc.  But Heidi Klum, you have officially been added to this list with this outfit.  And you were once a Super Model!!!

Heidi and her daughter Leni were out strolling in New York, which I will mention is a Fashion Mecca, wearing a black (grey) and white frilly sundress, over sized frock sweater and gigantic white scarf.  While her daughters fashion sense far surpasses her mothers, in her pink and white striped dress, both have ugly tennis shoes. But I am not going to pick on a little kid.  But cant you see Leni's embarrassment, "Is my mother really wearing that?"

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I just looked up the weather in New York to see if it was rainy, stormy or warm.  Its 87 degrees currently, so I think she can lose the scarf for sure.  If she is feeling a chill from shopping in the retail establishments, a cute little jean jacket or simple sweater would of been better.  The bottom of the dress already grabs enough attention, the top should be a bit more simple if she really wants to wear the dress.  I mean I first thought it was a tutu.  And those shoes...couldn't of put on a pair of sandals?

This is only one example of Heidi's horrible casual wardrobe.  I think she looks a bit better dressed up, so that leads me to believe she has a team to help her out.  So the blame falls on her, maybe she should let Leni pick out her clothes.  BURN the dress, it seems pretty bad from what I see and the sweater.  Keep the scarf and tennis shoes (if you must) for a rainy day and move on...ask your fashion consultants to take you shopping.  And do what you can to get off my list, which trust me, you do not want to be on!

Chuck Bass would NOT Approve of the Onesie

I have seen a lot of outfits,the good, the bad and of course the ugly. But I think I am a huge step closer with this selection, to saying I have seen it all.  Ed Westwick, who plays Chuck Bass on the CW's Gossip Girl in a...ONESIE???

At first I was going to comment about the sweatsuit and flip flops.  But after further looking at the outfit, I realized it was in fact a onesie.  Yup, I would have my hood over my head too if I was wearing this.  And its not a wardrobe prop I fear, as Chuck Bass would not be caught dead in this...unless maybe it was Burberry.  Does it actually say OshKosh on the pocket?  No I don't think so, but it looks like it though right?

Hmmm, how to save the Outfit?

I am pretty sure its safe to say, it is unsaveable.  But I want to save the rest of the males in America.  Please do not start wearing adult onesies out in public.   What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business.  But we already have Snuggies out in full force, do I need to worry about Infomercials about male onesies next?  Don't I have enough to worry about these days?

Dear Ed,

You are my favorite character (aside from Blair) on Gossip Girl.  The only reason I still watch the show is in hopes that "CHAIR" get back together and then the show can end.  I love your suspenders, bow ties and suits that make up the standard Chuck Bass outfits.  And of course some of your lines in your  American accent are awesome.  But really, do not make me regret my decision of liking your character by continuing to wear this terrible onesie in public. 

Thank You

Ed, I will let this one slide and not blame your stylist or wardrobe consultants on the show.  As mentioned in my Dear Ed letter above, your outfits on the show are great.  But please BURN this onesie quickly.  And if you are dead set on wearing one...at least make it Chuck Bass appropriate, bow tie and suspenders included!

What do you think?  Could you take a man seriously while wearing a onesie?  Comment below...

Michelle Williams-Give Matilda her Clothes Back!!!

If you are an actor or actress, do you really get "Free Time?" When I say free time I mean, an opportunity to run errands in casual outfits in Los Angeles with no makeup, without having to worry about paparazzi taking your picture?  Apparently not...especially if your wardrobe choice is as bad as Michelle Williams. 

Williams is 31 years old and should not be wearing her daughter Matilda's clothes, who is seven.  When you are 7, you can wear ugly sandals and mismatched patterned shorts and tees.  But when you have been nominated for multiple Golden Globes and Academy Awards, you should act or in this case dress appropriately.  Especially if one of those rolls was playing Marilyn Monroe, who lets face it, is a Fashion Icon.  Did she get dressed in the dark?  Is she wearing Stevie Wonder glasses for a reason?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit? 

Simply pick one or the other.  Each piece has many options from skirts, jeans, shorts, tank tops t-shirts, etc to match with.  But together, it is a miss-mash mess.  And those sandals....yuck!

Michelle, I don't think you can blame your people for this look.  So I would definitely BURN the sandals, they are quite ugly.  And the clothes are fine, but don't wear together anymore.  But for the mean time keep the glasses on...maybe no one else will recognize you?

At Least Zooey's Dress will Protect her from the Sun!

I am going to preface this post by saying this absolutely pains me.  Anyone who knows me personally knows I LOVE LOVE LOVE Zooey Deschanel, but this dress was pretty darn tootin' bad.  (Yup, I said Tootin'-I blame 'New Girl')
At Fox's All Star party, she showed up in this Green/Brown Metallic flared dress with a bow belt and black pumps.  All together, its not the most flattering dress she has ever worn-maybe its better in person?  Reminds me of those car protectors people use, or used to use, that you put on your dash board during the day.  But instead of the silver foil sunshade color, its this.  See where I am going with this?  C'mon, you know you see the resemblance too!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well the bow is pretty bad, so I would remove that first.  And where are all the accessories?  Surely this dress is not fantastic enough to stand alone.  Try adding a piece to draw the eye away from the puke colored dress, like a bracelet or Tiara, because we all know she would rock one if given the chance.

All and all Zooey, I think this was just a bad decision.  Keep the shoes, basic black pumps (not shown in picture) can go with anything, but this dress does not.  So BURN this as soon as you can.

In regards to a response from Zooey, I'd like to quote her character on New Girl, Jess:

"I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots... And I'm sorry I don't talk like

Murphy Brown and I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to

make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn't mean I'm not smart and tough and strong!"

Even the "Tweens" Wont Like these Teen Choice Awards Outfits

I always know its officially summer time when I see the Teen Choice Awards on my DVR Guide and that day happened last night, although I did not watch it.  All the stars of popular tween television, movies and music get together and get awards, in the way of surfboards.  And generally its pretty obvious who will win, if you play a Vampire, are in the Hunger Games or are Justin Bieber or Taylor Swift, you have a good shot.  What isn't obvious is whether some of these stars had help picking out their outfits or not.  

In the case of these two young women, I hope they have stylists, so they have someone to blame other than themselves.  Lets start with the least terrible first.  Ashley Benson from the television show 'Pretty Little Liars.'  How to begin? The wind blown updo? The lack of accessories?  The boring shoes?  Or the pleated black capri pants that make her hips look HUGE!  She is 22-years-old I don't think she should be showing off childbearing hips just yet.  On her television show she is the one running around in high heels wearing cute little outfits (Yeah I watch it, so what, it is a good show.)  But this was a huge downer for me, probably when I am used to seeing her look much much better.  But Ashely's outfit was not the worst...

Ah Demi Lovato, newest judge on the X-Factor and previous Disney Darling with a slightly dark past.  This outfit should of definitely stayed there...in the past or at least off the carpet.  I have let "Stage Outfits" go in the past, but as you can clearly see, this is a pink carpet ensemble and is fair game.  I hate the horsetail pony with hair extensions that don't even match her hair color.  The futuristic gladiator outfits with shoulder protectors and feather fringe shirt.  And the black shoes, that don't even go with the outfit.  If she is going to go for this look, at least throw on the thigh high black boots and commit.  I understand her possibly wanting to shed her Disney image and be considered more grown up, but did she have to go steal one of co-judges Britney Spears costumes from 2009? 

Hmmm, how to save the outfits?

Ashley's outfit might be saved with accessories and a better shoe choice.  If her pants were also maybe a little shorter or a skirt-she could of gotten by with a slap on the wrist.  However Demi's is unsalvagable and just plain ugly.

So ladies, please BURN your entire outfit.  And Ashley, stick with your wardrobe department on your show and ask their advice.  As for Demi, if your shooting for bigger and better things, I think you need a better team behind you, so FIRE your current "peeps" immediately...