Kendall, Couldn't You of Found a Tanning Salon?

From time to time I have focused on other things that the celebrities are photographed with besides their clothes, such as beards, uni brows, hair cuts, etc.  Today I am going to teach you about tan lines.  And how they are avoidable for the camera lens if you are a celeb...or a mini celeb in this case or really anyone with a few hours.

Kendall Jenner (little sister to Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian) at RAINE Magazine Signing at Barnes and Noble in Calabasas with masive tan lines on her chest.  I didn't really think it was so important to show her whole outfit, as all I could notice was the top.  This is a mini Kardashian, surely they have a tanning machine in their house, or in one of their houses that she could of used.  I know Kim tans daily, couldn't little sis tag along?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

They have this great new thing now, called spray tan.  Obviously the sun tan lotion failed her, but I am here to tell you, spray tans are great.  And they don't take long to show up and can cover up any unforeseen tan lines.  Or  just don't wear a strapless dress!

Kendall is young, so I am sure she picked this out for herself and if you are sixteen, did you care about tan lines?  I doubt I did.  But surely Mama Kardashian Kris should be looking out for her kid.  Or is she too worried about the Kardashian brand?  Apparently the Jenner name doesn't carry so much weight, as she didn't even take Bruce's.  But that is another story for another time.  If Kris is "Managing" her daughter, Kendall might want to tell her mom to focus a little but more on her and not FIRE right away.  Keep the dress, its not the dresses fault it was paired with unfortunate tan lines.  But I guess there could be worse lines be showing...i.e. panty lines.

This is NOT Appropriate Daytime Hawaiian Attire Kim!

So before you ask, I am going to answer your question, yes I can read minds (no that's not the answer.)  The temperature in Hawaii, where this picture was taken, it 86 degrees.   Answer to your second question, no she didn't need to wear knee high suede boots.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are apparently enjoying a refreshing yogurt while on vacation in Hawaii.  I know when I plan a relaxing trip and go out for the day, I always throw on my Givenchy leather skirt, suede boots and t-shirt on. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

We all know Kim likes to glam it up.  So I will allow the skirt, if I must.  But the boots are ridiculous for Hawaii and for during the day.  Maybe a cute pair of leather flats?  Maybe even in a fun color?  My next question is, do they always have to wear black?  Hell, MTV even made a joke about it on a commercial for the MTV Awards:

The pieces themselves are not bad, probably cost more than my month rent for just the t-shirt.  But I don't think they are an appropriate day outfit. But at least its not one of her daily tweeted photos of her in her bikini. So no need to do anything drastic, just don't pair them together...during the day...in Hawaii...WHEN ITS 80 DEGREES OUTSIDE!!!  And are you as shocked as I am that they are letting Kanye back into the MTV Awards show? 

A Bow isn't ALWAYS a Good Thing!

Just because its vintage and has a bow, doesn't make it okay...makes it "Bridesmadey." Yup, just made up a word to describe Jessica Chastains dress at the NYC premiere of 'Lawless' this week.  I initially scanned right by it, seeing only the top half of the dress.  Luckily on second glance, I got a better look at the ensemble, well not sure luckily was the right word to use.

The Yves Saint Laurent velvet dress with a ruffled hemline and giant bow is generally not the most flattering look for Jessica or anybody.  Apparently they missed the memo of less is more. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Just that less, is more.  I would get rid of the ruffles and the bow and you have a much better start.  She did try and add a little fun with a pop of color for her bracelet and of course the red lips, which I can appreciate.

I think Jessica usually looks better than this, saw a lot of her during 'The Help' Oscar run last year.  And this could be one of the worst things I have seen her ever wear, so I will give her team a break on this one and say just BURN the dress.  Leave the rest!

When Animal Print Tops go Bad...and WRONG!!!

Its hard to mess up a black pencil skirt, but at the 2012 Hollywood Foreign Press Association Luncheon in Beverly Hills, Jennifer Lawrence did just that. 

As you can see by my clearly marked picture, the bottom half is very adult, professional and appropriate for the"A-Lister" to be wearing.  And then we go from good to bad, with the snake print low cut top.  Its almost like she lost her jacket on the way to event and this is what was left.  She is busting, no pun intended, out of the top. Pair that with the messy hair style, she looks like she had a little afternoon fun.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well as I have clarified, the bottom half is good.  I think the top might be fine, but the bust area is a bit too small.  Maybe go up a size in the Narciso Rodriquez design and alter the waistline of the top, as a bigger size will be too big.  And if all else fails, throw that jacket back over it.  Or a sweater would of been an improvement.  The hair can go up and throw on a bracelet with a pop of color and she is golden.

Jennifer is poised to be the next Kristen Stewart (whether she likes it or not), tied to the Hunger Games Trilogy for a long time as Kristen is with Twilight.  But what she does do much better than Kristen is dress, so I am going to let this one slide as a momentary lack of judgement by her and her team.  BURN this top up and I wont compare you to Ms. Stewart for the foreseeable future!

Miley Should Worry about her NEW DO, before saying "I Do"

I was really going to leave Miley Cyrus alone for a little bit, I swear.  I felt like I was picking on her a bit and her clothing selections.  And questioning what Liam Hemsworth sees in her.  I know tons of people who love her, so obviously there is something there.  But it is like she is baiting me.  And after seeing comment after comment on Miley's new hairdo, I figured, I should break my silence and comment. 

Quoting one of my friends, "WTF?" I am not sure there is anymore I can say to sum my thoughts up.  Not only did she bleach her brown locks, but she chopped them off.  Put her do in a ponytail and cut cut cut.  I cannot help but think of the last time we saw such a drastic hair change...can you say Britney?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well as you can see, I for once am not commenting about her outfits, so nothing I can really fix.  And I am way out of my league in talking about hair and how fix as I am not a stylist. Maybe she can wear a lot of hats or a wig.  But I do want to give her one piece of advice...Miley when wedding planning becomes to much and if you need a stand in, Malfoy (from Harry Potter) and Tank Girl are available!!!

From Left to Right: Draco Malfoy and Tank Girl

Madonna Needs a Prayer after this Outfit

I imagine if you are a Music Superstar/Pop Culture Icon like Madonna, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Say, Go or wear whatever you want.  Or at least YOU thinks so.  Me personally, I know that when you are too old to be wearing certain things you shouldn't and this is a perfect example of this belief, DON'T DO IT!

"What the F--- am I wearing?"

At the opening of her Hard Candy Fitness Gym in Moscow, Madonna rocked this 80's inspired black lace dress and tight over the knee boots.  Even her posture in the picture screams outfit confusion. First thing, she is 53 years old, does she really need to be wearing something so short?  I know she is in shape and wants to show off to promote her gyms.  But those boots are way way way too tight.  I am not sure I have ever seen 'Muffin Tops" directly above the knee until now.  And the black gloves and cross necklace scream classic Madonna, a la 'Like a Prayer' music video.

Hmmm, how to save this outfit?

Honestly, the dress might make a cuter top if she wore pants or a different skirt.  Something that could possibly cover up those boots.  If she is dead set on leather something, throw on some leather pants under the "dress" and some high heels. 

I post this blog with a Warning to Madonna:  Keep wearing outfits like this, the impersonators and the Halloween outfits are going to continue to get worse.  BURN this entire outfit and I would stop picking my own outfits.  But at least these women aren't dressing you...

Outfit LOSE-Apalooza for Kelly Osbourne

So Lollapalooza 2012 in Chicago was this last weekend.  And like any multiple day music festival, audience outfits can be questionable.  Especially since they stand around for days watching bands like Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Black Keys and Black Sabbath in the hot hot sun...drinking (among other things.)

But Kelly Osbourne took it a little too far, especially given the fact that she is one of the hosts of E's Fashion Police. Yes, she came out to support her fathers band, but is that really a excuse to wear this? She better hope co-host Joan Rivers doesn't see this, or she is going to get a earful.  P.S. If you watch the show, its pretty obvious Joan gets the "good" jokes, while everyone else gets the rest-probably written into her contract.  I have no doubt it will be brushed under the rug come film time, so I figured I should bring it up.  So here goes...

I wont lie, kinda torn between a joke about a fairy meets an Umpa Lumpa or a reference to Gem and the Holograms.  Both might be too nice for this outfit.  So lets  just break  down the fashion infractions:

1. Messy Purple Hair

2. Bleached Eye Brows

3. No Makeup (minimal amount)

4. Ugly 2 Piece Outfit

5. Shoes that don't even go with Outfit Theme

6. Boring Accessories

7. Should I really keep going?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well at least she is skinny,  I hate it when people try to show off skin and should not.  Good job to her for working hard on looking healthier.  The hair color might be acceptable for the type of event and even the dress...if it was all in one piece. But the shoes don't go, I am never a fan of bleaching eyebrow's to look like you shaved them and her accessories are lacking.  I can only think she wanted to tame them down due to the dress, but when your dress bombs, what do you turn to?

So I am assuming she took this risk on her own.  I am eager to see if she tells her fellow fashion hosts the truth and fesses up to her messes. (Get it, it rhymes.)  Kelly, I would BURN the top of the dress, its not your friend.  And promise to wear the skirt and shoes with other pieces and not together.  And PLEASE dye your eyebrows back, heck, even making them purple would be an improvement!!!

Liam, It is NOT Okay to Share Pants with Miley!!!

If your girlfriend or Fiancee can "Co-Own" pants with you and they are not sweatpants (which I guess is the only acceptable option), there is an issue.

Miley Cyrus, who apparently tweeted this picture, although I thought she was done with Twitter (?), bragged about her and her Fiancee Liam Hemsworth pants.  But apparently really wanted to show off her abs.  I don't so much care about her abs, as much as they fact as her and her Fiancee share pants.  Liam Liam Liam...your want to be considered a heart throb and apparent action hero in the 'Expendables 2'?  Do you think Jason Statham, Vin Diesel, etc share pants with their girlfriends?

Lets put it this way.  Liam is 6' 3" and Miley is 5"6."  And even with her sagging her pants, there is barely too much material.  Which to a person who is 70% legs like myself, I know that these pants on Liam will be too short.  Liam, high waters really?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Liam, do not share pants with your fiancee.  You and her are both rich enough to afford your own-and they aren't even good pants.  Miley give your man his pants back so he can BURN them!

Another Day...Another Movie Premiere...Another Bad Dress

Total Recall opens in the theaters today and so the premiere photos have been plentiful.  And as much as I would like to pick on some men in suits, who am I kidding, I don't want to pick on men in suits.  I like men in suits, more men should wear them.  But the premiere performance that bombed (hopefully the movie wont) comes from the female stars of the film, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel.

Left to Right: Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale

Let's start with Kate first, as she is on my list of 'Style I Admire.'  But I do not admire this dress.  Kate is pretty and has such an amazing physique that she can pull almost anything off, but even this Anaconda looking dress is too much for her.  Did she kill it and skin it on her way?  Cuz that may have made it more interesting.  As one of the few female action stars (see Underworld Trilogy) and looks badass in the trailer, I would believe it. But what I cannot believe is her hair stylist let her go out in with what I can only phrase as Medusa Snake looking hair.  She has amazing hair-I think she could of done better.
Now on to Jessica...in a light pink Dior number.  The pockets on the side seem to be a new trend, but aside from the fact that she looks like a giant cotton candy, there is nothing else to the outfit.  The jewels she is wearing don't fit with the style of the dress-shouldn't be wearing pearls?  And the shoes and matching clutch do very little to help out the look.  But the worst part is the length of the dress.  It needs to either be shorter or longer, but not mid calf.

2012 Fall Christian Dior Show Model

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

For Kate, I just don't like the dress.  It was a brave attempt, but with no other accessories and lack luster hair, there is nothing to stand against the dress.  So I wouldn't try the look again.  Maybe if it was a shorter dress-like a python mini dress?  Add some amazing heels and there is a bit of a start.  For Jessica, the length is wrong to begin with too.  As you can see in the models picture from the Dior Runway show, the length on the model is much more flattering.  And I love her Electric Blue pumps.  The model completely outshines the movie star in this one, maybe Jessica's people should take another look at this photo before attempting this again.

Kate and Jessica probably shouldn't want to recall this event outfits ever again, sorry bad joke, but I think you get the idea.  Kate you need to BURN this dress and Jessica, this makes you a repeat offender.  Time to start deciding if you want to keep your peeps or FIRE.  I personally would take a long look at the shoe choices. But I have seen you look much better recently, and if I were you,  I would expect more from the people I pay to dress me.  Just saying...

Heidi Klum...You are on my List!

There are several celebs that I have written about that may be some of the worst dressed people period...this includes the candidates of TLC's 'What Not to Wear.'  I think I have been been real transparent about them-Miley, Olsen Twins, Kristen Stewart, Etc.  But Heidi Klum, you have officially been added to this list with this outfit.  And you were once a Super Model!!!

Heidi and her daughter Leni were out strolling in New York, which I will mention is a Fashion Mecca, wearing a black (grey) and white frilly sundress, over sized frock sweater and gigantic white scarf.  While her daughters fashion sense far surpasses her mothers, in her pink and white striped dress, both have ugly tennis shoes. But I am not going to pick on a little kid.  But cant you see Leni's embarrassment, "Is my mother really wearing that?"

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I just looked up the weather in New York to see if it was rainy, stormy or warm.  Its 87 degrees currently, so I think she can lose the scarf for sure.  If she is feeling a chill from shopping in the retail establishments, a cute little jean jacket or simple sweater would of been better.  The bottom of the dress already grabs enough attention, the top should be a bit more simple if she really wants to wear the dress.  I mean I first thought it was a tutu.  And those shoes...couldn't of put on a pair of sandals?

This is only one example of Heidi's horrible casual wardrobe.  I think she looks a bit better dressed up, so that leads me to believe she has a team to help her out.  So the blame falls on her, maybe she should let Leni pick out her clothes.  BURN the dress, it seems pretty bad from what I see and the sweater.  Keep the scarf and tennis shoes (if you must) for a rainy day and move on...ask your fashion consultants to take you shopping.  And do what you can to get off my list, which trust me, you do not want to be on!