MTV Music Awards-I Expected More...

I have a lot of comments about last nights MTV Awards, most of which I will keep to myself.  I remember growing up watching big flashy performances, knowing all the songs and huge stars from all industries in attendance. I found this years extremely lack luster in appearances and performances and fast forwarded through most of it...except for Pink's performance.  The girl loves her aerial ropes. But for your approval, here is a quick version of my MTV awards fashion observations:

Left to Right: Nicki Minaj, Miley Cyrus, Pink, Jessica Szohr, Chris Brown and Wesley Snipes (in Demolition Man)

Well Nicki Minaj was...Nicki Minaj.  In a patterned body suit with red piping and bright yellow wig, it seemed like she was ready to perform.  But then realized that was her red carpet out.  Was she trying to be a cop for the night?  Or cat burglar?  But I guess that is her persona, wild crazy outfits and hair. 

Hey Pink, I think Miley Cyrus is trying to steal your look! I know Miley wants to appear older and tougher, but stealing Pinks style isn't going to help.  What's next-are you going to dye your hair pink too?  Pink beat you to that already too...

And Jessica Szohr with the  slit up both sides black dress, lace up ankle booties and a animal print headband, I am not sure where you are going. Safari?

Finally to Chris Brown, Wesley Snipes wants his hair back from Demolition Man.  You look ridiculous.  And I am still trying to figure out when people started liking him again? 

Hmmm, how to save the outfits?

Probably not really the point of saving, but more commenting on them.  And I think I feel better with my fashion rant above.  There were lots more terrible outfits, mostly from the men in the rapping industry.  I didn't know camo shorts, wife beaters and a lack of style were red carpet approved.  But I guess in the hip-hop industry its allowed?  So I left them alone, what is the point?   I guess it all comes down to I expect more from the women above and, "If you can't say anything nice...come sit next to me!"

WWE-Thanks for the Memories...and the Camel Toe!

Ordinarily I would never put this out there, but something last night that I saw was so shocking and so terrible, that I am going to make a full confession.  I,  Nicole Sanchez, being of sound mind, like WWE wrestling.  I blame my father who introduced me to it as a child on Saturday mornings with my brother.  I grew up watching Hulk Hogan, the Ultimate Warrior, Stone Cold Steve Austin and so on.  (Remind me to tell you the story of when Stone Cold walked into Victoria's Secret when I was working.)   But regardless, I know its not real, the storylines are fake, I know they don't always get hurt and I think it is hilarious.  And when no other television is on, generally during the summers, I tune in to remember my childhood.  And lets face it, its amusing.  And we all need that in our life.

So imagine my surprise when last night, the moves, actions or outfits of the male wrestlers didn't grab my attention, but one of the female managers camel outfit did.  And not the camel color...but the camel toe!

Her name is Vicky Guerrero and she manages this wrestler named Dolph Ziggler.  That isn't important, what is important is to know she doesn't wrestle, doesn't generally get involved, simply stands outside and yells annoyingly "Excuse Me" on the top of her lungs.  So she doesn't need to wear tight shorts and a top that seems to tuck in the front.  And shorts that are not flattering for any woman, unless of course you want to promote your crotch.  Simply put, she looked like she had a cup on underneath the outfit.

Hmmm, how to fix the outfit?

Simple, DO NOT ever wear something like that again.  I looked it up, Monday Night Raw gets about 4.5 million viewers.  Not too bad for a USA Network show.  So not only did I see this horrendous outfit, but so did a lot of other people.

I am pretty sure that the WWE has enough money and enough foresight to hire wardrobe people.  I mean who else could make those amazing outfits you see some wrestlers wearing (that was sarcasm in case you are wondering).  I will continue to monitor Vicky's wardrobe selection for a couple more weeks-till better shows return-so no need to be rash in demanding a beheading or firing.  But I would encourage her to BURN this very soon.  Although, I don't really like her either, so as far as I am concerned she can keep wearing her terrible outfits and I will mute out her "EXCUSE ME" from here on out!

The Machine should help Florence with her Outfit

I saw Florence + the Machine in Santa Barbara this summer to kick off their tour.  Girl can sing...but she cannot dress,   YEESH!!! 

Florence Welch and I have never really had much in common fashion wise, this was apparent when I saw her on tour.  But this...this is a whole other level of bad. At the Venice Film Festival she wore multiple Miu Miu patterns, high water pants and high heeled ankle boots.  Her accessories aren't much better than her outfit.  She looks like that kid who went on a growth spurt right before the first day of school...and then apparently went blind right before picking out her clothing.

Hmmm, how to save this outfit?

Both patterns are pretty bold, too much to mix.  Generally if you are going to mix patterns, one should be a bit more subdued, like a pinstripe.  Then you can do a crazy floral pattern like she tried since the more minimalist pattern becomes the solid.  I guess picking a basic colored top or bottom wasn't in her plans and throwing on the black belt and shoes comes off somewhat harsh since most of the tones in the outfit are brown.  What happened to her trademark crazy dresses?  Pretty sure that would of been better than this debacle. 

While flipping through my Ipod, I see she has a song titled 'Strangeness & Charm' which seemed to fit while writing this post.  However while strange, this look is certainly not charming.  BURN the entire thing, nothing to save. And doesn't she even look uncomfortable and maybe a little angry?  So I am guessing someone told her to wear this, so FIRE them as well.  And finally, stick with music, not fashion...

Rihanna-Singer turned Military Guard?

I think its fair to say that singer/now actress (although I don't know if a role in the bomb Battleship constitutes an actress title-but I will allow it) is considered a current fashion icon.  With her every changing hair styles and colors, to her creative outfits, her fashion is always being photographed and copied by her fans.  And while she has been on vacation or touring, or whatever she has been doing all summer, I have left her outfits alone.  Until today...

Kids, a see through black dress is just as bad as a see through white dress.  I don't like to see my own panty lines, why would I want to see yours!  If you look closely at Rihanna's dress she wore in London, you can not only see her underwear, but also her bra. 

"I see London, I see France...I see Rihanna's Underpants"

But both come second to those horrible combat boots she is wearing with the dress.  Is she trying out for Battleship 2-straight to DVD sequel?  I mean even the girl in the car with her has camo on, so it seems appropriate. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well besides the fact the dress and baseball cap are pretty boring, it just screams security detail.  Obviously she needs a slip or different colors of undergarments on first.  And maybe a pair of sandals instead of the boots. Something that will bring out the style of the necklace a bit more, it kind of just blends. I know Rihanna is all about her accessories.

We all make mistakes and I am sure Rihanna has a huge team and entourage to support all her needs.  So I will allow the slip up, get it "slip" up.  Buy some better undergarments or a thicker dress and BURN those shoes.  To quote Seth Green in the teen comedy circa 2002 (ah my childhood) Can't Hardly Wait, "Do they serve an orthopedic function?"  Enough said.

Time to Act your Age Avril Lavigne (Soon to be Kroeger)

Hey hey, you you, I don't like your outfit

No way, no way, I think you need a new one

Hey hey, you you, You should change your outfit.

Hey hey, you you, I know that you like it

No way, no way, you know it's not a secret

Hey hey, you you, You should change your outfit.

-Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
 (with a few lyric changes by me)

Avril Lavigne shocked the world, when her and finacee (shocker) Chad Kroeger announced their engagement, by showing off the enormous rock. The engagement wasn't as shocking as the fact that they were even dating.  But this outfit shocked me this morning...even more shocking, she is 27 dressing like she did when she was 20.  Time to grow up Avril, you are now embarking on your 2nd marriage in 3 years. 

Abbey Dawn is her clothing line she started in 2008, insprired by things out of her closet and then per the website, she started designing original pieces. Items include  metallic-print T-shirts, oversized hoodies, long-sleeved striped skater T’s, denim skinny and boyfriend jeans with built-in suspenders, printed leggings, tutus, and plaid mini-skirts.  But I am not sure this is the best example of her clothing line at all...

Oversized black rocker t-shirt...........check
Long baggie black skirt......................check
Oversized fedora hat...........................check
Red glasses...........................................check
Blue flip flop sandals.......... ................check
Good Outfit for Red Carpet...............ABSOLUTELY NOT

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Avril is only 5' 1" tall and this outfit, although may be thought to be cool, swallows her up.  And at age 27, she looks kind of ridiculous.  Surely there were better pieces in her collection than this.  If she wanted to wear the oversized shirt, throw on a pair of jeans.  When you do a oversized piece on one 1/2 of your body, you should always match it with something slimmer.  In turn if the skirt is what she wanted to feature, the top should of been tighter fitting.  Two oversized bulky pieces with a large hat, are bad news. 

Avril, I feel like maybe your stylists should be involved in your outfit selections.  I understand you still want to be the punk rock chick, but this isn't a stage performance.  You are the ambassador of your own line and you should act like it.  Plus you are marrying a man much older than you, might want to start trying to figure out how to look older (or I guess him to look younger?)  Anyways BURN the skirt, the hat and FIRE your stylists.  Obviously they need to stand up to you more and tell you this is wrong...if they picked this out for you, well shame on them!!!

Beach Attire not really Red Carpet Ready!

Summer in the Hamptons seems nice. Sandy beaches, beautiful people, dressed all in white (sorry this is what I have seen on Gossip Girl and Sex and the City episodes.)  They attend parties and the occasional red carpet movie premiere.  Or at least this is what I imagine.  But after seeing this picture of Gwyneth Paltrow, I will have to rethink this all.

At the 'End of Watch' movie premiere which stars Jake Gyllenhaal, and Anna Kendrick in a police drama, Gwyneth shows up in a blue patterned sun dress and tan sandals.  For the beach, completely appropriate. A layed back movie premiere, probably not so much.  And the beach wave hair style?  C'mon Gwyneth, you are better than this.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The sandals do nothing to help the outfit, but make it go down sandy hill fast.  Obviously she is trying to show off her legs, but those clodhoppers don't work for the dress or the event.  I would throw on a high heeled sandal, or dressier shoe.   And she tried the jewelry to dress up, but then the hair negates that effort.  If all else fails, put it up!

Gwyneth, I see what you were trying to do, but you failed.  So I would say the dress and jewelry are okay, but those shoes...BURN BURN BURN.  And then let the casual chips fall where they may. 

Kendall, Couldn't You of Found a Tanning Salon?

From time to time I have focused on other things that the celebrities are photographed with besides their clothes, such as beards, uni brows, hair cuts, etc.  Today I am going to teach you about tan lines.  And how they are avoidable for the camera lens if you are a celeb...or a mini celeb in this case or really anyone with a few hours.

Kendall Jenner (little sister to Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian) at RAINE Magazine Signing at Barnes and Noble in Calabasas with masive tan lines on her chest.  I didn't really think it was so important to show her whole outfit, as all I could notice was the top.  This is a mini Kardashian, surely they have a tanning machine in their house, or in one of their houses that she could of used.  I know Kim tans daily, couldn't little sis tag along?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

They have this great new thing now, called spray tan.  Obviously the sun tan lotion failed her, but I am here to tell you, spray tans are great.  And they don't take long to show up and can cover up any unforeseen tan lines.  Or  just don't wear a strapless dress!

Kendall is young, so I am sure she picked this out for herself and if you are sixteen, did you care about tan lines?  I doubt I did.  But surely Mama Kardashian Kris should be looking out for her kid.  Or is she too worried about the Kardashian brand?  Apparently the Jenner name doesn't carry so much weight, as she didn't even take Bruce's.  But that is another story for another time.  If Kris is "Managing" her daughter, Kendall might want to tell her mom to focus a little but more on her and not FIRE right away.  Keep the dress, its not the dresses fault it was paired with unfortunate tan lines.  But I guess there could be worse lines be showing...i.e. panty lines.

This is NOT Appropriate Daytime Hawaiian Attire Kim!

So before you ask, I am going to answer your question, yes I can read minds (no that's not the answer.)  The temperature in Hawaii, where this picture was taken, it 86 degrees.   Answer to your second question, no she didn't need to wear knee high suede boots.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are apparently enjoying a refreshing yogurt while on vacation in Hawaii.  I know when I plan a relaxing trip and go out for the day, I always throw on my Givenchy leather skirt, suede boots and t-shirt on. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

We all know Kim likes to glam it up.  So I will allow the skirt, if I must.  But the boots are ridiculous for Hawaii and for during the day.  Maybe a cute pair of leather flats?  Maybe even in a fun color?  My next question is, do they always have to wear black?  Hell, MTV even made a joke about it on a commercial for the MTV Awards:

The pieces themselves are not bad, probably cost more than my month rent for just the t-shirt.  But I don't think they are an appropriate day outfit. But at least its not one of her daily tweeted photos of her in her bikini. So no need to do anything drastic, just don't pair them together...during the day...in Hawaii...WHEN ITS 80 DEGREES OUTSIDE!!!  And are you as shocked as I am that they are letting Kanye back into the MTV Awards show? 

A Bow isn't ALWAYS a Good Thing!

Just because its vintage and has a bow, doesn't make it okay...makes it "Bridesmadey." Yup, just made up a word to describe Jessica Chastains dress at the NYC premiere of 'Lawless' this week.  I initially scanned right by it, seeing only the top half of the dress.  Luckily on second glance, I got a better look at the ensemble, well not sure luckily was the right word to use.

The Yves Saint Laurent velvet dress with a ruffled hemline and giant bow is generally not the most flattering look for Jessica or anybody.  Apparently they missed the memo of less is more. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Just that less, is more.  I would get rid of the ruffles and the bow and you have a much better start.  She did try and add a little fun with a pop of color for her bracelet and of course the red lips, which I can appreciate.

I think Jessica usually looks better than this, saw a lot of her during 'The Help' Oscar run last year.  And this could be one of the worst things I have seen her ever wear, so I will give her team a break on this one and say just BURN the dress.  Leave the rest!

When Animal Print Tops go Bad...and WRONG!!!

Its hard to mess up a black pencil skirt, but at the 2012 Hollywood Foreign Press Association Luncheon in Beverly Hills, Jennifer Lawrence did just that. 

As you can see by my clearly marked picture, the bottom half is very adult, professional and appropriate for the"A-Lister" to be wearing.  And then we go from good to bad, with the snake print low cut top.  Its almost like she lost her jacket on the way to event and this is what was left.  She is busting, no pun intended, out of the top. Pair that with the messy hair style, she looks like she had a little afternoon fun.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well as I have clarified, the bottom half is good.  I think the top might be fine, but the bust area is a bit too small.  Maybe go up a size in the Narciso Rodriquez design and alter the waistline of the top, as a bigger size will be too big.  And if all else fails, throw that jacket back over it.  Or a sweater would of been an improvement.  The hair can go up and throw on a bracelet with a pop of color and she is golden.

Jennifer is poised to be the next Kristen Stewart (whether she likes it or not), tied to the Hunger Games Trilogy for a long time as Kristen is with Twilight.  But what she does do much better than Kristen is dress, so I am going to let this one slide as a momentary lack of judgement by her and her team.  BURN this top up and I wont compare you to Ms. Stewart for the foreseeable future!