What Bad Dresses do to Bad Dressers

There are certain people who want to be considered quirky.  I get it. But there is a time and place.  And after almost 2 weeks, this outfit still drives me so crazy that I felt I should just post something about it to alleviate my annoyance of it...if not only as a "PLEASE NEVER DRESS LIKE HER" warning.

Lena Dunham wore this to the 2014 Emmy Awards. My first question (because there are a lot) was were flamingos hurt in the making of this dress?  And why a collared shirt?  Ugh....although her look in the picture pretty much mirrored my face when seeing this on the computer.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I am not even going to ask how to save this outfit...cuz I can't really see this is possible to fix.  And at a big huge event like the Emmy's where your show 'Girls' was no doubt nominated for awards, you chose to wear this? Or better yet, chose to allow your fashion consultants to let you where this?  I would FIRE them all, as I am pretty sure I have never seen a outfit I like you in.

But not to seem completely heartless...I will Google it and see if I can find an acceptable outfit.  Please hold (cue Jeopardy Music)...


ALAS, a outfit I do not hate:

See in this Glamour magazine article, a simple navy blue pleated dress.  Very cute, very simple with maroon ankle strap heels.  Classic.  Why does she feel the need to wear these outlandish outfits?  And worse yet, why do her fashion mavens allow it.  I wouldn't allow it if she was one of my friends, or other people I help dress.

But I do feel better about finding her in something respectable-like.  It gives me hope that one of these awards shows, she will simple do better!

Burn, Baby, Burn...

Well I have had a few days to process the Golden Globes (which none of the shows or people I watch won again...ugh maybe that is whole different issue) and am ready to say a few words.  In an effort to get my blogging going again in 2014 I have decided today is the day. So here goes:



Paula Patton

I will stay away from Julia Roberts black dress with what looks like a collared shirt underneath it.  And I will not mention Sandra Bullocks ugly color blocked blue, black and pink dress.  And I will excuse Drew Barrymore's floral nightmare dress, as she is with child.  And lets face it, that can't be easy to maneuver with a belly.  (See: Kerry Washington's dress for the How-to)

Zoe Saldana

I went with the best of the worst...or worst of the worst?  I guess its definitely in the eye of the beholder...they be-holding some ugly dresses (haha). Let's start with Paula Patton.  I said it during the show and I will say it now, "She looks like a floral arrangement." She looked terribly uncomfortable while presenting, but then wouldn't you with giant orchid fluff by your face.  At least its not multiple colors like the theme seemed to be this year.  Can you imagine this color blocked?  Good because now I can too!

Lena Dunham

Let's move onto Zoe Saldana's wardrobe malfunction.  Oh wait that is what the dress was supposed to look like?  Seriously?  It looks like her stylists sewed several dressed together to make this.  Its pretty bad, even if the straps are supposed to fall down the side.  And for a dress with so much going on...its really just kinda boring.

And finally Lena Dunham.  You may be a critics darling...but gosh darn are you a terrible dresser.  I am simply going to leave you with this picture...cuz I am pretty sure it says it all.  Even she looks appalled by her outfit selection.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Pretty sure its not one of those posts...I will state that I expected more from Zoe and Paula.  If not from them at least their style teams.  As for Lena, I think that is actually about right. 

I would BURN all of these dresses and start over.  And probably Julia's, Sandra's and Drew's while I was at it. Burn, Baby...Burn!!!

If You Can't Say Anything Nice...Don't Look at These Dresses

Claire Danes

So yes, I watched the Emmy's tonight.  While I cleaned my kitchen, did some craft projects, cut my dead flowers from their bushes, vacuumed, went for a run...you know the usual. A special shout out to the invention called the DVR.   And after it was done, all I remembered was Kerry Washington's beautiful gown, and how bad Claire Daines looked when she beat her.

I will let you look up Kerry's as I am sure you will see plenty of it.  Especially due to the fact she didn't win.  But here is Claire's.  Its so... flat.  And yes, I mean flat chested.  I have never wanted to scream, "Get a Boob Job" at anymore more than at her at this very moment.  And I have said it before, she is a pale young lady, was this really the best color?

Alas this wasn't the worse dress for me, sadly it was not even close.

Lena Durham

Lena Dunham from Girls dress reminded me of the Disney classic Alice in Wonderland.  Remember the part where the cards are painting the roses red?  Well now hopefully you have "We're painting the roses red, painting the roses red..." stuck in your head now too.  Regardless I think you get my point.  Not only is the skirt enormous, the dress kind of looks tacky and cheap to me.  And this is for last years winner and nominee for Best Lead Actress.  YIKES!

Zosia Mamet

But even worse may be her co-star ( I guess, I had to look up who she was) Zosia Mamet's dress.  Kinda looks like someone threw paint all over her dress and then blamed it on the Hamburglar!  Yep, I said Hamburglar!  Did anyone tell her, the strapless bra goes underneath the dress and not on top of it?  Really so many jokes, so little time.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Let us be honest, this is more or less the Oscars of television.  So I gotta think all these women had to have had stylists.  And if they didn't, its their own fault.  I am pretty sure I criticized Lena's last year so apparently she doesn't read this blog.  And maybe she should.  ("We are painting the roses red...")  I am going to give some sage advice here ladies, so please listen up.

Step 1) Burn these dresses, except maybe Claire.  Claire give to someone who can fill it out.  
Step 2) Fire your current stylists (if you have one) 
Step 3) Hire NEW competent stylists or hire one (if you didn't have one in step 2
Step 4) Sign up to read this blog...

All and all, I gotta say this is a BURN and FIRE post for all three ladies.  Check out various locations for other Emmy dress fails...and a few wins.  At least I missed most of these on the original viewing, though it may have made it a bit more interesting!

Golden Globes Focus...Probably NOT Where These Actresses Wanted

Its officially Awards Season...WOOOHOOO!!!  And last night was the first big event of the year, The Golden Globes.  And with any award season comes my favorite part, the questionable outfit selections.  There were a few "Interesting" choices and then there were the dresses that really stood out to me for different reasons, none of the them for particularly good reasons.  And here they are...



Left to Right: Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig and Halle Berry

I am not saying that these outfit selections by these women were necessarily the worst, but I had some interesting thoughts. Starting with Jessica Chastain, when you are already a pale female (which I am), a light blue gown probably isn't the best choice.  Plus with red hair and red lipstick?  And along with fellow presenter Kristen Wiig, neither really fill out the top of their dress.  So Jessica's kind of just bunches in the chest and hips like pillows, not too flattering.  For Kristen's, I cant decide if it remind me of an exclamation point or an arrow pointing down.  Neither of which should bring attention to kind of a boring outfit.  And finally Halle Berry's dress, was pretty, until the close up where it looked like her right side of her chest area was spilling out of the fabric.  Careful, you might lose something!
 
Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Perhaps with a needle and thread, some of these "Interesting" dress choices could be fixed.  Jessica's #1 problem is color choice.  And perhaps with a good seamstress the rest could be altered.  Maybe a bolder piece of jewelry, like a necklace with a bit more pop of color may have helped?  For Kristen's, if a cut out is the most interesting part of your outfit, probably not a good sign.  But she doesn't have the right upper body to pull this off and seemed almost uncomfortable.  Maybe also a better accessory piece could of helped.  And Halle, fix the chest area-just looked odd.  Colors were great.

I haven't seen enough of Kristen's outfits to comment on her style selections.  And I am pretty sure with the last few years Jessica has had, she has stylists to help her, Oscar noms and all.  So both ladies need to BURN these dresses and move on.  As for Halle, your people should of stopped this boob action from happening, but no need for drastic means.  Just I expect more next time.

And finally if you are gonna rock a gown, make sure you can walk in it and your shoes.  Girl's winner Lena Dunham looked like it was her first night in heels.  And with winning two awards and somewhat the 'Bell of the Ball', you may want to work on that.  You are in the big leagues now.