If You Can't Say Anything Nice...Don't Look at These Dresses

Claire Danes

So yes, I watched the Emmy's tonight.  While I cleaned my kitchen, did some craft projects, cut my dead flowers from their bushes, vacuumed, went for a run...you know the usual. A special shout out to the invention called the DVR.   And after it was done, all I remembered was Kerry Washington's beautiful gown, and how bad Claire Daines looked when she beat her.

I will let you look up Kerry's as I am sure you will see plenty of it.  Especially due to the fact she didn't win.  But here is Claire's.  Its so... flat.  And yes, I mean flat chested.  I have never wanted to scream, "Get a Boob Job" at anymore more than at her at this very moment.  And I have said it before, she is a pale young lady, was this really the best color?

Alas this wasn't the worse dress for me, sadly it was not even close.

Lena Durham

Lena Dunham from Girls dress reminded me of the Disney classic Alice in Wonderland.  Remember the part where the cards are painting the roses red?  Well now hopefully you have "We're painting the roses red, painting the roses red..." stuck in your head now too.  Regardless I think you get my point.  Not only is the skirt enormous, the dress kind of looks tacky and cheap to me.  And this is for last years winner and nominee for Best Lead Actress.  YIKES!

Zosia Mamet

But even worse may be her co-star ( I guess, I had to look up who she was) Zosia Mamet's dress.  Kinda looks like someone threw paint all over her dress and then blamed it on the Hamburglar!  Yep, I said Hamburglar!  Did anyone tell her, the strapless bra goes underneath the dress and not on top of it?  Really so many jokes, so little time.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Let us be honest, this is more or less the Oscars of television.  So I gotta think all these women had to have had stylists.  And if they didn't, its their own fault.  I am pretty sure I criticized Lena's last year so apparently she doesn't read this blog.  And maybe she should.  ("We are painting the roses red...")  I am going to give some sage advice here ladies, so please listen up.

Step 1) Burn these dresses, except maybe Claire.  Claire give to someone who can fill it out.  
Step 2) Fire your current stylists (if you have one) 
Step 3) Hire NEW competent stylists or hire one (if you didn't have one in step 2
Step 4) Sign up to read this blog...

All and all, I gotta say this is a BURN and FIRE post for all three ladies.  Check out various locations for other Emmy dress fails...and a few wins.  At least I missed most of these on the original viewing, though it may have made it a bit more interesting!

Plastic Isn't Always Better...Unless its Mean Girls!!!

Bruce Jenner

I am going to start by saying that I like Bruce Jenner.  Back in the day, I used to his coffee at Starbucks, circa 2002.  You know back before we watched E! and knew who the Kardashians were.  Most importantly, I don't want to be mean or anything, as Cancer is no joking matter.  But with that aside...

Michael Jackson

Does anyone else think Bruce is starting to look like Michael Jackson?


Nothing we can do to fix, as plastic surgery is well plastic surgery.  But I will let the photos exemplify why it doesn't always work out for the best!

I Didn't Know Miley was in the Little Mermaid?

So I haven't posted in a while...I am sorry.  What can I say, hockey was going on and that is about 3 hours of TV watching a day in addition to what I normally watch.  Yes, I could of posted while watching, but I was too busy yelling.  (Go Flyers!)  Anyways while hosting a book club last night about 'Suri's Burn Book, someone asked me if I had been updating. So with a bit of guilt in my heart and some inspiration with a certain photo...I AM BACK!!!  At least for today...

So saw this picture of Miley Cyrus, who is apparently in a feud with her dad.  (Yawn)  Anyways this picture immediately made me think of something else.  Something we also talked about in my book club last night, the Little Mermaid. Can anyone else say Ursala?

Am I right or AM I RIGHT?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Are you kidding?  Grow out your hair.  I am not going to say anymore than that.

I know a lot of my friends are fans of Mileys and 'Party in the USA'.  And I will probably get in some heat, but I had the need to share.  And back to BURN books, which Miley should do to her hair, Suri's.  Here is the link to the blog, which I hear is better than the book.  Your Welcome.  http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/

Her Futures So Bright...She's Gotta Wear Shades

I want to start this, like every other post I write about a actress I love...I LOVE EMMA STONE!  She is one of my favorite top 3 actresses.  And I have stood by and seen some interesting outfit choices, most of them not so bad, especially when you consider how many movies she does a year.  But in this recent appearance in NYC on Kelly and Michael, I actually laughed out loud.

While the color isn't the most flattering for her skin tone to begin with, its the flowers on her chest area that grabbed my attention.  Immediately, they reminded my of sunglasses for her breasts.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Although not the best picture, I think you get the point.  The bright yellow splotches of color over power the dress.  Was that really the best placement for them?

If I were Emma, which would be pretty cool, but I would BURN this dress, although very "springy" just not worth it.  Anyways I would get rid of it and move on.  To bigger and brighter days!

Prime Example of when the Cup Runneth Over...

I am so sad I didn't see this until today.  I admit it, I didn't watch the Red Carpet prior to yesterdays Oscars.  It was like 4 hours of non-sense and I prefer to skip the chit chat and get to the hard stuff...the ugly dresses.

Brandi Brandi Brandi-Can you say trying too hard?  Your dress is trying hard to keep your breasts from spilling out.  Brandi Glanville, most famous for getting cheated on by Eddie Cibrian and Leann Rimes and is now  on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and apparent fashion consultant with Piers Morgan?  (In case you were wondering who this classy lady was)

All I want to know is, did anyone really take her seriously?  Because on a real platform for people to get to know you and maybe even see you for more than a tabloid star, she apparently came off unpleasant and vulgar.  Glad I missed it-darn!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Maybe go up a couple cup sizes?  And I am pretty sure since she cannot get the dress up higher, the slit is in the wrong place.  Pretty sure it was supposed to go higher up the thigh and not to right above her knee.

This is definitely not her stylists fault as she helped design this beauty (sarcasm) for her clothing line.  So I don't think you need to BURN this dress, but maybe give it to girl that it actually fits and shame on you Brandi.  Why does everyone think they can be a fashion designer?  Leave it to the professionals people...

A Nip Above the Rest

I know, I know, they are the darts in her dress.  But all anyone can say is, check out those nipples!

And yes, I am sure Anne Hathaway didn't care, but when you are the front runner to win one of the biggest awards of the night, you might want to plan a bit better.  But I still love her, so I will let this slide...just don't do it again.  Congrats on your Les Miserables Oscar.  I am sorry about the nipple action.  But like 10 years this was the biggest craze!!!

White Hair isn't always the Right Hair...

Most of the Oscars I don't really care to pay attention to.  But I actually stopped and wanted to see if anyone else agreed with me?  Anyone else think Claudio Miranda looks like David Bowie in Labyrinth?

For those of you who don't know, Claudio won an Oscar for Achievement in Cinematography for Life of Pi.  And David Bowie is...David Bowie in the 1986 Film Labyrinth.  But I am sure if I keep thinking about it, I can think of some more white haired men or women, whose hair choices made me scratch my head. (Halle Berry in X-Man, Creepy Old Guy on Soap Opera Another World, Etc)

I understand the white hair is artistic and perhaps men look at dying their hair differently than women do.  But maybe a ponytail to keep it back would of been a bit more sophisticated.  But that is just me!

Should of Used Identity Theft to BUY a New Dress

So the Oscars are about an hour and a half over and most of the dresses and tuxes are acceptable in my opinion.  However the beards, not the gay men wives, but the facial hair...need to go!  I know most of them are for "movie roles" but its okay to use a razor people.

So far the worst dress I have seen stood out pretty greatly.  And while Melissa McCarthy isn't nominated, she did present.  Her grey dress sort of reminds me of a toga party gone wrong.  The color to me is kinda blah, and I am usually a grey person.  The embellishment on the shoulder and ends of sleeves, was an attempt at bling, but maybe some earrings would of helped?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The cut of the dress makes Melissa look completely shapeless, like a grey trash bag.  If the ruching would of been higher up, above her hips and flared out, I think it would of been much nicer.  The dress actually looks like its too big for her....did she not have time for a fitting?

I know some body types are harder to fit than others.  But this shapeless, colorless dress does very little for Melissa.  There was definitely some effort and I am pretty sure some stylists helped her.  But I would for sure BURN this dress and there is always next year.  Because I am sure Bridesmaid 2 is in the works!!

ALMOST OSCAR TIME!!!

So on all the fashion and entertainment websites, everyone is showing what they constitute as the "Best of the Oscar Fashion".  And I am going to say, some of their selections leave some questions in my mind, but today's selection by E! reminded me of something completely different.

And while Michelle Williams, Halle Berry's and Hilary Swanks dresses were expensive and seem to top most lists (not sure why for Halle's-looks like she is at a fancy beach party), Hilary's is what stood out to me.  But again, not for her fashion choice, the color, the fit, etc but what happened a little bit later...during a taping of a little show we call 'Good Morning America.'

While filming an episode of the Hills, before Whitney Port got her own spin-off show, she (enter air quotes here) by chance got selected to wear Hilary's dress when a model didn't show up.  Because I am sure that happens ALL THE TIME.  Regardless, we were treated to this little morsel!

http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/535123/everybody-falls-season-2-episode-12.jhtml?xrs=share_copy

And just because its Friday and I am feeling generous, Lauren Conrads (LC's) face!!!

Your Welcome...

FLASHBACK: 2001-Brit and JT (How did that not work?)

Don't lie...circa 2001 we ALL thought Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were coolest.  Budding pop stars reunited after the Micky Mouse Club. They were on TRL daily, globe-trotting all over the world and made the infamous statement of waiting for marriage to have sex (or so we thought).  And we all knew that they going to make it as a Hollywood couple.  How could they not?  Ah, my, how things have changed.  But I decided I want to try something new...

A FLASHBACK PHOTO and a What Were WE Thinking?

Photo #1

Britney and Justin wearing matching denim outfits

 to the American Music Awards

As an impressionable 22-year-old I didn't know any better.  And I am sure I scoured such stores as Charlotte Russe, Styles and Wet Seal looking for this dress remake.  Happily I can tell you now, the search was not successful, although I do remember a long skirt being purchased for me by my mother at my begging.  But what was your excuse?

And to further honor this moment and my fond remembrance of TRL (Right?) a little video...Your Welcome!

Cheek Piercings...Strange Place for a Hole

I have blogged about several fads I don't understand:

• Bushy Beards
• Behind the Ear Tattoos
• 1/2 body Spray Tans
• Miley Cyrus's Haircut
• Male Adults in Onesies

So I feel its appropriate to throw in another one I don't understand that is making pop-culture news.  Amanda Bynes and her cheek (or dimple) piercing.  She tweeted this pic the other day, but first question.  I thought she gave up Showbiz and Tweeting? 

Regardless, I have never understood piercing my face, maybe the nose or eyebrow, but the cheek?  Now I have a question, is there a back of the stud in your mouth or is it a hook like a nose piercing?  (If someone knows, I would love to hear) Only more confusing to me is getting the back of your neck pierced. OUCH!!!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Yeah, we are way past that question.  As well as the BURN or FIRE issue.  She fired all her people (agent, manager, styling team, etc) and moved to NYC to escape the Hollywood limelight.  Or so she says...

My only thoughts are, 1)What is Lindsay going to do to compete with this?  And 2)Imagine that hole when she decides to take it out.

Should of STAYED in Hiding!!!

So if you missed it Lindsey Lohan is back in court today and not without her usual antics.  She tried to delay her court date by saying she was too sick to fly to California for a probation violation.  Apparently per E! Online she has tried this before for court dates, shooting movies, etc.  But alas, she was forced to hope on a plane with her "sickness" and out of her NYC hiding spot.

What is sick is this botched spray tan job, or lack-there-of.  Now I know there is nothing wrong with having pale white legs, I have them myself. (And I am 60% legs)  And I understand wanting to be camera ready when your daily business will inevitably be aired all over television or printed in magazines or online.  But if you are going to do the top, can't you spare a few minutes and do the bottom too?  Or throw on a pair of pants?  Its not like you are known for your stems like Cameron Diaz for example, so what is with the need for a skirt.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I have shown bad tans in the past, but she obviously took the time do half.  And if you have spray tanned, admit it most of us have, it only takes a few more minutes to do your legs too.  Just simply lazy, but honestly not sure what I should expect.  But getting off topic, how to save the outfit?  PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS!!!

Honestly I am kind of sick of hearing about Lindsey and her drama with her career, drugs, driving, her parents, blah, blah blah...but this was too bad to pass up.  One might say, too easy?  Anyways Lindsey, not sure your stylists even work for you anymore (I wouldn't) but this is pretty bad.  Sadly you can't BURN yourself-OUCH...so not sure what else to say.  A picture is worth a thousand words and that is about mine on this topic!

Link to E! Online Article: http://www.eonline.com/news/383283/lindsay-lohan-makes-it-to-court-after-arrival-drama-trial-date-set-for-probation-violation

Golden Globes Focus...Probably NOT Where These Actresses Wanted

Its officially Awards Season...WOOOHOOO!!!  And last night was the first big event of the year, The Golden Globes.  And with any award season comes my favorite part, the questionable outfit selections.  There were a few "Interesting" choices and then there were the dresses that really stood out to me for different reasons, none of the them for particularly good reasons.  And here they are...



Left to Right: Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig and Halle Berry

I am not saying that these outfit selections by these women were necessarily the worst, but I had some interesting thoughts. Starting with Jessica Chastain, when you are already a pale female (which I am), a light blue gown probably isn't the best choice.  Plus with red hair and red lipstick?  And along with fellow presenter Kristen Wiig, neither really fill out the top of their dress.  So Jessica's kind of just bunches in the chest and hips like pillows, not too flattering.  For Kristen's, I cant decide if it remind me of an exclamation point or an arrow pointing down.  Neither of which should bring attention to kind of a boring outfit.  And finally Halle Berry's dress, was pretty, until the close up where it looked like her right side of her chest area was spilling out of the fabric.  Careful, you might lose something!
 
Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Perhaps with a needle and thread, some of these "Interesting" dress choices could be fixed.  Jessica's #1 problem is color choice.  And perhaps with a good seamstress the rest could be altered.  Maybe a bolder piece of jewelry, like a necklace with a bit more pop of color may have helped?  For Kristen's, if a cut out is the most interesting part of your outfit, probably not a good sign.  But she doesn't have the right upper body to pull this off and seemed almost uncomfortable.  Maybe also a better accessory piece could of helped.  And Halle, fix the chest area-just looked odd.  Colors were great.

I haven't seen enough of Kristen's outfits to comment on her style selections.  And I am pretty sure with the last few years Jessica has had, she has stylists to help her, Oscar noms and all.  So both ladies need to BURN these dresses and move on.  As for Halle, your people should of stopped this boob action from happening, but no need for drastic means.  Just I expect more next time.

And finally if you are gonna rock a gown, make sure you can walk in it and your shoes.  Girl's winner Lena Dunham looked like it was her first night in heels.  And with winning two awards and somewhat the 'Bell of the Ball', you may want to work on that.  You are in the big leagues now.

2013 People's Worst Choices Award

Last Night was the 2013 People's Choice Awards on CBS.  Although I did not watch it, I figured it was a good opportunity to check out some outfits on the beautiful people and comment accordingly.  As expected the men wore suits, always appreciated, and the women were a bit more daring.  But daring doesn't always mean good...

Katy Perry

Katy Perry's outfit or as I named this dress, "Black Strawberry Shortcake Dress" was out of the norm.  For Katy, this was a pretty tame outfit and almost boring for her.  Perhaps without the sleeves it would of been more appealing, and not a winterized floral dress.  And the shoes were very boring, although I can understand she wanted the dress to standout, but this Valentino dress is not all that amazing and needs some help.



Olivia Munn

The other look I was not a fan of was Oliva Munn's black and white multiple layers dress. The skirt kinda reminds me of a black and white lace wedding cake, probably not something you want to wear, only eat.    The trumpet-style skirt shouldn't flair below the knee, rather would of been much more flattering above it.  And she, like Katy, opted for minimal flair to go with their outfits, Olivia couldn't even muster up a fun shoe!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

As for Katy's, I again wish the sleeves were not included in the dress.  And probably then shouldn't be worn during winter.  All she is missing is black tights to make this outfit even worse.  As for Olivia's, a simple skirt would of been much better or at least a shorter one, one tier less or so.  And perhaps a bracelet or something to drag attention away from this lackluster outfit. 

In a night where most of the ladies at the awards show definitely had stylists helping them out (based on how they look on their own), these two ladies either didn't listen or stylists didn't help them out...especially Olivia.  Katy, BURN the sleeves and Olivia, FIRE your stylists.  This may have been the worst outfit on the red carpet...don't believe me? Feel free to check out other examples.  You know you want to...