I Am Not Blue Over This Outfit (not even a little)

I am just gonna say it, Alan Cummings scares me.  He plays all these weird little creepy characters in movies.  You may not know his name, but you have no doubt seen him in movies  However after seeing him in this blue plaid suit, he now terrifies me!

I can only hope this is some sort of joke, but apparently it wasn't.  He wore this to the Emmy "Artistic" awards-is this what we are calling this suit...Artistic? 

Before you ask, he actually is a voice for a smurf in the upcoming film, but that doesn't make this okay.  And really tapered pants?  They verge on skinny pants that some of the young kids are wearing today.  I am all for a 3-piece suit...but I am gonna have to jump ship on this look.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well take away the pants and jacket and replace with a classic black tux or suit, you may be able to get away with the vest.  Those shoes have got to go as well.  Way to chunky for the suit. 

Not much left to say, I am pretty sure a stylist picked this out, or at least let him walk the red carpet looking this way, thinking this was funny and a way to make some sort of statement.  Well it did and now I am making one...YUCK YUCK YUCK-FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!

Just say NO!!!

Bad...

Drew Barrymore is known for many things in Hollywood...A new director, her roles in 'ET', 'Firestarter' and several others and of course her adolescent drug use. I am not sure fashion trends is something she represents well.

So originally I was going to post this picture of this tan dress that Drew wore on a red carpet recently. Although its not the worst thing I have ever seen, it doesn't fit her body type very well (or anyones) and just doesn't sit well with me. And the potato sack color does not have me screaming its praises. 

But after seeing what she wore this weekend, I know longer think her sack is so bad. I feel like a crow fell on her head and died, because this vest, I guess we call it, is   U-G-L-Y!!! Perhaps she is starring in the next installment of the Crow Films, they have made four so far, what's another one?

Worse

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well I do not think there is anything that can be done to help our fallen friend...the bird.  And a baby tee-really.  Its 2010, I didn't think people still wore those.

All and all, this is just a terrible terrible terrible look.  And her strangely hair doesn't help at all.  I gotta think she has a stylist that helps her for events, especially since she has a "hippie" type style. 

Simple solution BURN this vest or cover up, which actually makes me miss ponchos and hire a new stylist.  Drew if your stylist picked this for you or the brown bag above...you need to FIRE them faster than you were killed off in the original Scream film...and that was about 5 minutes into the movie!!!

Not a Hi-Lite Rebecca

X-Men

Ugly Betty

Friends

As Supermodel Actresses go, Rebecca Romijn isn't the worst.  She has been casted in some good films and TV shows, as listed above and isn't terribly annoying.  But this dress kinda is.

Lets forget she wore this to the Piranha 3D premiere (or should I say lets forget they made this movie period) and focus on the dress itself.  Wonder if the dress was white and she decided to color it in with a yellow highlighter?  I guess it does match the lettering for the movie poster, score one for her?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well maybe if it was a different color, she could dye it black, you can cover up anything if you make it dark enough.  And I am not a fan of the earrings, doesn't really go with the style of dress.  The shoes bother me too, but its not the nail in the coffin...the dress is.

As a supermodel (as mentioned in the Heidi Klum post) I expect more.  And although this is not the worst dress I have seen, its not the best for her.  She may have had a stylist pick this for her, you know, "I need something real quick for my hubbies (Jerry O'Connell) movie premiere-send me over some things."  So it is partly a stylist and her fault, but going by this outfit alone...Rebecca its okay to FIRE!

Mommy Doesn't Always Know Best!

Ellen Pompeo

I am not a mom...not sure I plan on little baby Nicole's running around.  With that said, it always amazes me that its excused to go out looking crappy, just cuz you have a kid.  Maybe I am insensitive due to my lack of maternal instinct, but hey plenty of moms run around looking perfectly fine. For example, Jessica Alba always looks cute and she is not only a working actress, but a wife and mom.  So it can be done.

Jessica Alba

Ellen Pompeo from 'Grey Anatomy' is a prime example of what not to do.  I understand your busy, we get it, but why grab such a bulky shapeless cover up.  I see your at the beach, but try to dress appropriately.  I don't expect you to show up in a gown with perfect make up, but a better outfit is always appreciated. 

 Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The dress, although it cannot be seen, looks way too long for her, which adds to the bulk.  And the neck line, which looks to have fallen below her chest area doesn't help for shape.  So I would shorten immediately.  Then tie knots on the top of the shoulder to get the neckline up a bit.

Ellen, I would say simply, this is not a good dress for you and if your not planning to drown it in the ocean...BURN BURN BURN!!!

Better Write this one off in your Diary Bridget

I remember watching 'What Not to Wear' and seeing the mothers that came on the show, get reprimanded by Stacy for their "grocery shopping clothes".  You know what I mean, sweats, sweatshirt, bag t-shirt, the occasional Ugg.  And then they go shopping and Stacy and Clinton show the mom acceptable weekend attire, usually involved flats, a jean skirt and little thin jacket, etc.  Stacy and Clinton...WE NEED YOU HERE!

Renee Zellwegger, who is out doing errands this last weekend, looks more like a teenage boy going to a Emo concert than a award winning actress (I think she won some award...for something.)  I know she dates Bradley Cooper and she is going to have to step up the sex-appeal to keep him.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Surely someone with her financial means, can scrounge up a more Stacy/Clinton acceptable outfit. The sweatshirt may be okay with a blue jean, a nicer wedge shoe and maybe some jewelry.  The pants, if not worn with a high boot, are not okay.

I am not saying that she cannot wear comfy clothes out, but lets face it, we expect more from these celebrities.  I expect more Renee, even though I don't particularly like you...aside from Jerry Maguire,

"You had me at hello." 

So take your rags, because that is what they look like and BURN before Bradley sees you!

Someone should Beat him!

In Europe I realize that certain things are acceptable, that maybe are not in the United States...or with me.  So perhaps this will not bother as many as it did me, but its my blog so neiner neiner!!!

Jude Law went out to dinner with with back again girlfriend Sienna Miller in a nice suit.  He "Suited Up", which I can appreciate.  However a white wife beater underneath with chest hair sticking out, does not make for a happy me.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Lets face it, not much needs to be done to fix the outfit and perhaps some people didn't notice it, since he is such a hottie and all!  I don't personally find him that attractive, so he does not get the free pass.  He needs to wear some sort of shirt-even a t-shirt might be better.  Doesn't seem that he was going for a casual dinner, I mean he is wearing a suit.

I don't think a stylist was hired for dinner (with Robert Downey Jr), so the wife beater debacle falls on Jude.  Throw on something else, with sleeves and save the wife beaters for another time.  I guess I can say, at least he tucked it in?    There isn't a huge need to BURN or FIRE-I just didn't like it.  And I am all about making me happy these days...So please take some wax and get ride of the hair....yuck!

Did you kill a smurf for that lipstick?

I have tried to stay away from obvious bad looks, which is why I made a personal rule not to judge outfits worn on stage during a musical performance.  If you go to enough concerts, you know that the best articles of clothing are not always on stage. 

However, which is just a fancy way to say but, this is appalling and not on stage, so it fits within my rules.  I am still deciding on whether I like Ke$ha and if she has any talent...obviously whatever talent she has did not go into her wardrobe.  I just saw her open for Rihanna a couple weeks ago, I kinda think she works to hard to be eccentric. 

This is going to be extremely short since, well there is absolutely nothing I can do to save this outfit.  Well I take that back..

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The dress may be okay...but the whole outfit is so distracting to even tell.

Lets face it, Ke$ha doesn't really care what she wears and although she probably has stylists to help dress her, she does what she wants.  This is coming from the girl that says she loves trash bags. 

It wouldn't matter if I say BURN or FIRE here, she may be beyond help.  I kind of want to know what she looks like walking around her house with no cameras on.  Which leads me to my next internet search, what is her real name?

Kesha (no dollar sign) Rose Sebert

I See London, I See France...I See Someone's Underpants

You date one of the biggest pop superstars ever, Justin Timberlake...You star in several action movies and get to make out with Bradley Cooper...And your career is apparently thriving.  One might say you have it all, right?  Well Jessica Biel, you don't have one thing, NUDE UNDERWEAR!!!!

At first glance, this red dress looks pretty, flattering and a nice color for her.  And then when you take that second look, note her black underwear.  Yup the skirt of the dress is pretty sheer but c'mon, you're not even trying.

I will give you the benefit of the doubt.  I am sure someone had you throw on the dress after hair and makeup and run out of the door.  So you probably didn't have a chance to look in the mirror.  (Note to self:  Always check the mirror before leaving the house.)  But what is your excuse for this suit number?  It looks like you borrowed it from Diane Keaton, but she wouldn't even wear this.  How do you expect to keep Justin in this awful suit? That is a bad color, no shape, too short and those shoes are way too old for you. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

For the red dress, pretty easy and I will say it again...NUDE UNDERWEAR!!!  As for the suit, the jacket needs to be more fitted, the pants longer, lose the shoes for a younger version and the shirt is just boring. 

I do believe with all the promoting for A-Team Jessica is doing, a stylist may not of gone to Berlin for the functions, but she definitely sat down with someone to pick the outfits out.  And generally I think she does okay fashion-wise, so I will let the stylist keep the job.  But for the suit....I don't think I really need to say it, but I will BURN BURN BURN BURN!!!

Totally not feeling Green

The original 90210, I remember was full of style icons.  I remember asking for vests, colored blouses, hats, booties and scrunchies for Christmas or Birthday presents.  Yup Scrunchies...Just so I could look like Kelly, Brenda or Donna.  So you would expect the new, updated version, would have the same key fashion trends.  And for the most part, it does its best to represent. 

However, just when you think its okay to let your fashion guard down, someone shows up with a number like this.  Shenae Grimes, who plays Annie on the show, showed up to a "Green" carpet event in this.  Seriously looks like she went to the fabric store, bought some green satin, cut a hole for her head-a la Casper the Friend Ghost-and went out.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

That is a stupid question and I hate stupid questions...almost as much as I hate this outfit.  Obviously the belt was supposed to try and add some shape to the dress.  But its still too long and shapeless for such a small girl.

So Shenae, hun, do not do this again.  I don't think a stylist had you wear this to what is obviously a Green event.  So I think, trying to stay in the color scheme, you picked the wrong dress.  It happens, you are allowed one slip up at Beverly Hills High before they outcast you to THAT table.  So go home, remove the dress and BURN!  And maybe one day we will all forget...

Step Away from the Kiddie Department

When someone is nominated for a Oscar certain things are assumed:
1.  The person actually has talent
2.  Probably making some good money on at least the next movie they snag (you know in case it was an indie)
3.  Hired a Stylist to walk the Red Carpet

And if same said person, is also in one of the most popular Movie Franchises going on right now, they would need to have someone on staff to help for all the premieres and occasions.  Well Anna Kendrick, I guess you are a prime example of why someone shouldn't assume.  Because you are TOTALLY making an ASS out of U and ME!!!

For those of you who don't know, Anna was nominated for the Oscar as Supporting Actress in 'Up in the Air' with Clooney and is in those little Twilight movies.  So she is basically everywhere.  And it upsets me when I see her at a movie premiere dressed like this. Certainly one would assume she could afford to get a stylist or at least afford a full size adult dress.  But there I go assuming again.

Hmmm, how to save the dress?

First off those shoes have to go far far far away from this dress.  I am all for a yellow shoe, but this is not only the wrong shoe, but wrong color for this navy dress. The mini dress is not flattering and for too short, for even her.  It almost looks like a trash back with blue spray paint wrapped around her.

I would say to Anna, you have several issues.  If your stylist told you to wear this combo, FIRE him or her immediately.  There is no way to save the dress, so take it outside and BURN!!!

Boys Gone Bad

Thought it was a good time to pick on some boys and since I learned how to post multiple pictures on one blog, its all fair in Love and...fashion? 

Michael Cera

All these guys were at the same Movie Premiere this week, about a guy who beats up his new girlfriends Ex-boyfriends, or defends her honor...or something like that.  I know, rushing right off to stand in line for opening night with you.  But just because it sounds like a lame movie, doesn't mean you can take the premiere lightly.  If the movie sucks, I will most likely remember your outfit more than the crap movie you made. 

1.  Michael Cera (star of the movie)... This is too easy.  First off, I looked it up, your 5'10" no way your pants should ever be that short.  And if they are, don't keep your hands in your pockets.  I would never be caught dead in pants like that.  And who wears a suit, which is probably okay for his laid back style, with casual penny loafers?  Or I guess you might call them boat shoes.  Regardless, this is bad.  But at least you wore a suit.

Judd Apatow & Jack Black

2. Judd Apatow and Jack Black...Let's face it, both of these guys are loaded.  Jude Apatow has made tons of crude movies, such as 40-Year Old Virgin, SuperBad and Knocked up.  And Jack Black has starred in several Crude Movies and a couple good ones, School of Rock, The Holiday, Airborne (classic 80's Movie) and Kung Fu Panda.  But both of these grown men, who I can only assume came to support friend Cera, couldn't dress up a little more than this.  Black looks like he just went to the gym, which hello based on his body, we can see he did not.  And Apatow, well think he may always dress this way.  At least iron your shirt dude~

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

My help to Michael Cera would be remove your hem in the bottom of your pants to lengthen and change those shoes.  Heck I might even accept a tennis shoe as opposed to this brown one.  As for the other two...

Look its pretty obvious no stylists were consulted for any of these guys.  Not sure if any of them have one, doubt it, which should be step number 1.  As for the outfits, to save time and effort, because they need to conserve as much as possible, BURN everything!

Throw her Overboard...Please!!!

All I can think is, I hope Tommy Hilfiger paid you well for wearing this outfit, cuz I don't know who else would of designed this dress, its his colors! And are you planning on going sailing today? 

Katie Holmes, I know your daughter is supposed to be the fashionable one, but I gotta think you help dress her.  And maybe she might look cuter in this outfit than you.  However, even more tragic are those shoes.  I understand that when you are married to a older man (for those of you living in a cave, its Tom Cruise) you need to dress more mature, but the older ladies that I used to work with at Talbots wore these kinds of shoes.  Not a girl in her early thirties.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The dress could be cute, if you changed her shoes and added some accessories, not that boring necklace.  I know nautical is in for the summer, but I wouldn't gather for a red carpet affair. 

Katie, I used to be a fan.  But I, unlike apparently the rest of the fashion public, cannot stand how you dress.  And maybe you wore these shoes while filming the movie you portray Jackie O in, but really, lose the shoes.  PLEASE!

I don't think you had a stylist for this, not even a real red carpet affair, so you picked this and all your other outfits out yourself.  May I also add, not a fan of "boyfriend" jeans that you always wear.  But back to my point, Katie....I miss the days when you were Joey Potter on 'Dawsons Creek', but those days have long sailed away.  (Sorry going astray again.) Katie, the dress can stay, hire some better stylists (I know you have some) and BURN those shoes.  Or donate to your grandmother!

Super Bad isn't just a Movie Title Anymore...

Maybe its not fair to expect a lot out of a Supermodel.  I do believe it was Janice Dickenson who takes credit for coining "Supermodel," so I guess that says something in its self.  But I guess what I mean is, you expect a model to know how to dress, just like you expect athletes to be able to play multiple sports or musicians to be able to play various instruments.

Molly Sims, I have no words.  Granted you are tall, so you should be able to pull of a pattern such as this...in theory.  But the cut of the dress is so unflattering.  And your hair and lack of accessories, just screams BLLLLAAAAHHH to me. 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Aside from the shoes, this dress is just not good on her.  Maybe cut of the sleeves into a tanktop shape dress?  Or lengthen the skirt, I know can't really add on more material.

I am going to make this really short, since I don't want to look at the dress anymore.  Molly, I don't think this was a super fancy event, although the pink sparkly cougar in the background could scream class to some people.  But regardless, I don't think you requested styling help.  But then again, I am not sure I know anything about Hollywood or people in general these days.  So Molly, take that outfit, keep the shoes and BURN, before someone sees you!

Yikes-A-Bee

A casual day is nice.  Wake up late, get coffee, read the newspaper...etc.  In fact, I myself am having one right now.  But there is nothing like going out in public in your pj's...wait its not so good when your a grown woman and you look like your walking around in your Pj's. 

Kate Bosworth, I guess who is more known for dating Orlando Bloom (a supposed heartthrob-although I don't see it) than for her acting skills.  She was in a bunch of movies, 'Blue Crush' and 'Win a Date with Tad Hamilton' being what I remember her from.  She has moved on from Orlando (thank you) and is now dating a hottie on the show 'True Blood.'  But even if you have a hot man on your arm, you have to look good right?  You gotta keep the man?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well first, don't ever wear this outfit again...and don't wear clothes that can be mistakened for pajamas.  But those shoes, good lord, they are ugly.  Are they a bootie?  A slipper?  It doesn't matter, something that horrific shouldn't be allowed in public.

Kate, I liked you in most of your movies, might even have a couple.  But even my favorite actresses have not been saved from the blog, so you shouldn't either.  I don't think a relaxing day warrants a stylist, even though I may suggest you band yourself from outfit selecting.  So go home, change into some flannel PJ's and BURN the entire outfit!  ASAP!!!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...Oops, sorry wrong singer

Ok, so I will admit, I know very little about Patti LaBelle.  Yes, I know she is a singer, but not at famous as say Aretha Franklin?  I am not that musically challenged.  I found out she was the one that originally penned 'Lady Marmalade'  (Woooohooo Pink) with a band and won a couple Grammy's.  But just because I don't know much about her, doesn't make this outfit okay.

I read that she wrote Gospel Music as well, well she might want to start praying.  This is hideous. Not sure what she was on the red carpet for-it just looks scary there.  I want to say she is either going to church on a Sunday or a quickie wedding in Vegas.  Either is not an acceptable excuse.

Between the fan, which I will let slip because it has been super hot and that hat...this blog could go on for days.  But it won't-don't worry.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Maybe if the dress was a little more flowey and less tight in the skirt area it could be okay.  But the ruffles up top going into the straight skirt, just doesn't make for a pleasant coupling.  And the hat....if she wants to do the black and white hat, she should include black somewhere else in her outfit.

Ok, lets be honest.  She has been around for years and I will promise you has a group of stylist to help her dress for her events....whatever they may be.  So Aretha, I mean sorry, Patti, when you get home, look in the mirror.  And then call up your stylists and FIRE!!! 

Not such a Simple Life in that Outfit

I know these celebs that aren't really famous for their talent, but more their partying skills have unique "style."  And Nicole Richie is definitely more famous for who she knows in Hollywood and for of course naming her kid Pigeon.  Okay, it was actually named Sparrow...not sure which one is better. (Insert pigeon noise here)

I found this winner in a album of airport pictures, this one in an Australian. I just looked up the weather in Sydney, yes it was in the low 60's as the high.  But this is the 2nd time in a week that she has worn a little sundress, leather jacket and dark tights.  Nicole, I can no longer let you pass...though I not sure why I allowed you the pardon in the first place.

Previously I have seen her in a white lace dress and this same jacket, same shoes and without the bonnet.  But what do they say, two wrongs don't make right?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Okay if she is so concerned with being warm, dress accordingly.  She is a peanut, so less body fat means you run a little cold to begin with.  So I would say remove the dress, throw on some jeans and problem solved.  Or go to a warmer climate. It takes Mother Nature months to go through these seasons, Nicole  Richie tries it in one outfit.

So the pieces alone aren't terrible, we can all safely see that.  But just because they are all okay, doesn't mean we need to wear them all at one time.  Just because I like all my shoes, doesn't mean I wear a different one on each foot, that is just silly.  So Nicole, good name, I doubt you needed a stylist to help you go to the airport. I know you have a styling company, I saw you working with them on a MTV so show. So if one did help you out with your last weeks fashion choices, probably further back than that,  please put them on a plane, show them the emergency exits and FIRE!!!

I am sorry KBell!!!

I want to start this off by saying, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Kristen Bell.  And generally I like her style.  But this is a complete huge miss.  And this further proves that no one is safe and anyone can be become a victim.

This outfit might not be so bad if she was about to play tennis at a country club.  But for a Louis Vuitton opening in Beverly Hills, heat wave or not, this is not acceptable.  

We have the mesh around the shoulder, ruffling on the top and strips on the skirt, that is the best way I can describe it.  And with the tie-dye coloring, its just a little too casual.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

To dress up the outfit or at least improve it, I would say try to separate the top and bottom.  I would keep the skirt, throw on a solid tank top and rock the heels.  The nude colored shoes, probably not the best choice, maybe a darker color.  And a cute bracelet and it would be a vast improvement.

Dear Kristen,

I feel terrible.  But, I cannot support this look-even from you.  I doubt a stylist was needed for a store opening, so I fear you picked it out yourself.  Please don't do it again...I expect way more from you than this. 

Thank You!

I don't think she needs to BURN the outfit, just keep in the closet for a tennis match, round of golf...crochet? 

When Bad Blue happens to Good People

I recently heard Eva Mendes say that she thought the sexiest outfit for women was worn jeans, white tank top and no bra.  Hmmmmm, not exactly what I think of when I see this current outfit.  Maybe I heard the interview wrong, but I don't think so.  I can understand if she wants to be a bit more reserved than her previous comment, but this is a little over the top.  Literally to the top of her neck. 

The 70's called, they want their curtains back.  Glad I missed most of that decade, some crazy outfits no doubt.  Did they kill some smurfs to make this color?  Or is she channeling her inner Smurfette? 

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?  

Lets face, there is basically not too much wrong with the outfit physically...aside from the fact its super ugly.  So doesn't fit her personality or style.  And it makes me think of something my grandma might wear...with a longer skirt of course.  Not something a ex-model and current Revlon spokesperson would wear.

Based on the facts here, the past interviews, previous outfits and style, I conclude that Eva was coursed into wearing this outfit.  So I 100% blame the stylist.  Eva, call up your people and FIRE immediately.

Chester Cheetah Wouldn't Approve...

What can I say, at least your good at Tennis?  Don't give up your day job?  Don't stand next to Kim Kardashian?  She makes you look ginormous!
Serena Williams, I am glad your the number one ranked tennis player in the world right now, won't make me feel so bad when I comment on this dress. Yes, maybe as an athlete you aren't expected to excel in fashion trends, such as your friend Kim here.  But still green, leopard tight dress to a ESPY event....HIRE SOMEONE!!!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I am going to assume this is satin, maybe even silk, and letting out wont help too much.  Its way to tight, the dress shouldn't bunch around her waste and stomach.  The dress itself shouldn't have rolls (not saying she has rolls, but you can see what I mean) And you cannot see it in this picture, but she a huge tan bandage on her leg, cut herself shaving perhaps?  Go without the band aid next time.  Please.

Lets get to the main point here.  When you are as well known as Serena or her sister Venus, you need to have people.  I know she has coaches, agents, PR people, etc to help guide her daily life.  So one has to assume she a team of stylists to help dress her for certain events.  I see Serena as someone that does what she wants though, so a stylist may have their work cut out for them.  But you have to do right by your client...and this so not right.  Serena, my advice, BURN first and then FIRE!!!

High School Flashback

When I was in high school, everyone I knew had a crush on Jordan Catalano from the TV show 'My So Called Life.'  And Angela, the red headed main character on the show, was in love with him.  And you watched it week after week to see when Angela and Jordan finally would, as we put it, "Hook Up".  Claire Danes hit the Hollywood map and we now know Jordan as Jared Leto, (although not as cute as he used to be) the rocker and sometimes actor.

The thing I really remember most about that show,which so wasn't the main point, was Claires bright red hair and how pale it made her look.  I mean it was a strange contrast and if I remember correctly, the whole dying of the hair and pasty white skin did come up in the dialogue sometime in the year it was on TV.  But this dress flashes me back there instantly. 

The dress shape isn't terrible, the cute could be kind of cute.  But the colors are all wrong for her skin type.  Because as we can all see, Claire is not getting any tanner.  If you squint really hard at the picture, it all blends...never a good thing.  And I blew the picture up more, when it was tiny, she looked almost completely nude.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

First thing I would do is remove the entire left sleeve.  What is that?  Did the designer have some left over fabric?  And I guess we cannot really change the color of the dress, maybe add some jewelry?  Maybe a little pop of color in the shoe? 

Basically the dress isn't ugly, its just not right for Claire.  But, while the stylist should of known better, the dress should be saved...and I guess so can the stylist.  We will call this one a draw, so no need to BURN or FIRE. 

Maybe we could dye it red to match her old hair color?  Ahh, flashback.

No Blue Skies Ahead

I know, I know...your thinking,"But I love her."  Please do not throw things at me.  I can hear you as your reading this, "But I love Reese, she is so cute."  Not in this dress she isn't.  Reese Witherspoon what happened? 

Even you, have to think this dress is not the most flattering on her. Its just BLAH!  There isn't anything real great about it.  It reminds me of a smock you wear when you go to get your hair done.  The color brings out her eyes, there something nice. 

But the embroidery makes her look much older than she is and the lack of shape, well lets be honest, that's how rumors start.  And what is she holding in her hand?  It looks like a worn wallet or something.

Hmmm...how to save the outfit?

Again the color is nice and the shoes are cute.  Maybe a little too matchy matchy though.  But my big problem is the style of the dress.  I don't think a belt would work.  I would try to bunch or sinch it in the back somehow.  Might work, might not, but if you can do that it would be a vast improvement. 

Well Reese, I will be honest, I am not the biggest fan.  And my mother wants me to date your ex Jake  Gyllenhaal, (cuz that will happen), so keep wearing outfits like this.  It will keep him from getting back with you.  But regardless, I cannot support this dress.  But you generally have better fashion habits than most, so I will give you this one time a free pass. 

The dress, will not get the same forgiveness.  I don't even think the Bend and Snap from 'Legally Blonde' will help you this time.  BURN, BURN, BURN.

Prison Break?

I suppose when your rock'n'roll royalty, you are allowed a certain amount of 2nd chances.  What do they say, Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll?  So I guess in some cases, 3rd, 4th and 5th chances are allowed. (I would like to say while I am typing this Tom Petty just came on the radio-seems apropos)  But what if you are the royalties daughter?

Liv Tyler, I am a big Aerosmith fan.  In fact, I will be seeing you father in a bout a week or two in concert.  But please, if you come to the show, do not wear this. 

I don't really think I even need to rip on this look too much, the picture does just fine without my fancy smancy words.  All I will say, don't you look like a little Jailbird and what's with the pooch?  No not the dog, the stomach.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

I suppose if you threw a skirt on the girl, in a color, maybe even black could work and removed the tights, it would be a step in the right direction.  Throw on a cute pair of heels and you got a girl who used to be a model!

At first I thought this picture was taken while leaving a business meeting or something.  But then, when was the last time you had velvet ropes blocking the way to your work?  So she knew there would be photogs there.  Liv, I am sure a few of these items can be salvaged and made into a outfit...your stylist I am not so sure about.  Simply put, FIRE!!!

Where's the Groom?

So if you watch TV, read magazines or surf the Internet, you will know like 50 different couples got married this weekend.  Okay, so maybe a bit of a over-exaggeration, but A LOT in any case.  So Congrats to those people, I suppose that is the correct way to do it.  I won't mention them all, because then this blog would get way too long.

However, I know what your thinking, white dress + Vegas (TAO is in Vegas) + Pamela Anderson = WEDDING.  Nope, she wore this ugly dress on her own...or we haven't been told about the nuptials?  Is she even dating anyone?  Regardless, this mesh dress was worn to celebrate her bday...not a wedding.

But she isn't longing by the pool, actually onto her way into a night club.  I know living by the beach in California, you become accustomed to a certain level of laid-back-ness.  However, this is just ridiculous.  If you go to Vegas night clubs its all about the glitz and glamour. 

Hmmm, how to save the Outfit?

Lets be honest, it doesn't take someone to work at Victoria's Secret to know, you do not wear a tube top dress when you have a chest as large as hers.  I understand she was going to a "beach" theme club where it was all around the pool, but that doesn't excuse the lack of structure.  She isn't 22 years old anymore! (Sorry Pam)  The white is fine...but white mesh?  I think I see her underwear or bikini bottoms underneath the dress and believe me, I don't have to look too hard.

Maybe she should of given up the beach look and gone to get married.  At least we know she does that well...I would say to Pamela, hire a stylist and remove that dress.  Go to one of the thousands of stores in Vegas, which are ALL open late night and buy something nicer.  Then walk over to the Mirage Hotel and wait for the Volcano to erupt and throw this dress into the fire and watch it BURN!!!

Color Blind Much?

Not even sure where to start this one off...I guess at first I thought this was some crazy mannequin.  Or thought, are they trying to recast Kim Cattralls role in Mannequin? For those of you that don't know, way back in the 80's she did the movie...way way WAY before Sex and the City.  About a guy who worked in a department store and shocker, fell in love with a mannequin.  She came to life from time to time...typical 80's movie.  I mean they are all being made into remakes these days.

 But then I realized, nope that is just crazy Mischa Barton.  I used to love her style on the television show, 'The OC.'  (Except the flats, she always wore them and I still cannot get behind flats.  Even at 6'0" I will throw on the heels.)  With the crazy pattern of the dress, the bright lime green purse and the black bow hat (?), my eyes are getting a headache.  And no, the cameras aren't even shooting her, look at the background.  But Mischa needs all the help she can get, so lets see what we can do.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well first the pattern may not be so bad, if there was less of it.  I would cut it into a much shorter style, maybe even a little mini dress.  Throw on flats or a high heels, in a solid color, I mean the dress is a WOW-ZER, why add on crazy shoes to match.  Remove the lime green purse and add again, a more subtle bag and perhaps the head piece, whatever it is, can stay.

The dress can be saved, throw the bag out.  I have seen Mischa out recently and it hasn't been good.  I often wonder if she is trying to get into the sequel to 'Alice in Wonderland' (you know there will be one) with some of the wild outfits.  My advice to Mischa, besides laying off the Hollywood parties, is to FIRE your current stylists immediately and hire someone new...or no one will take you seriously. 

Hey Peter Pan...We found Tinkerbell!

Moms don't have the easiest job, I get that.  I am sure I did lots of things to my mother to make her question her sanity as to why she had me.  And I watch all those make-over shows, the moms are always so focused on their children that they let their own fashion and hygiene slip.  However this is just ridiculous and for once, the kids should not be blamed.

"The Body" as Heidi Klum is known for, (not making this up- I worked at Victoria's Secret I know) has as a supermodel probably gotten used to wearing interesting pieces of wardrobe.  I mean if you watch a fashion show, its not generally stuff you would see people walking down the road in.  I can't remember the last time I saw someone wearing a bright orange pointed dunce cap, black raccoon eyes painted on and a white wedding dress....I know quite the image, but you get where I am going. 

But coming out of a work meeting, even in NYC, this is a little strange.  And those shoes, where to begin...  The bag, what is she carrying in it, rocks?  Regardless of her supermodel status and the fact she has like 9 million kids (4 kids in actuality) this crime against fashion cannot be allowed.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well lose all the layers, I mean is she trying to be a fairy?  Those shoes should for sure be thrown out, and that bag...this is just a jumbled mess and cannot be fixed.

Lets be honest, Heidi I am sure has the best stylists in the biz.  And generally when you see her out with her husband Seal, she is dressed far better.  So I will leave the stylist alone...Heidi, you get all the blame for this winner.  Take it all home, get back in the swimsuits that made you famous, go to the beach, start a bonfire and BURN the whole ensemble!

The 90's? AGAIN?

Wikipedia defines "the grunge look" as:

Clothing commonly worn by grunge musicians in Washington consisted of thrift store items and the typical outdoor clothing (most notably flannel shirts) of the region, as well as a general unkempt appearance. The style did not evolve out of a conscious attempt to create an appealing fashion; music journalist Charles R. Cross said, "Kurt Cobain was just too lazy to shampoo," and Sub Pop's Jonathan Poneman said, "This [clothing] is cheap, it's durable, and it's kind of timeless. It also runs against the grain of the whole flashy aesthetic that existed in the 80's."

However Pete Wentz and his wife Ashlee Simpson Wentz make enough money so they do not have to share clothes, or go to the thrift store, or the local trash bin.  Pete, I have left you alone long enough and it still angers me you named your kid Bronx Mowgli, so here you go! 

I know some people are wondering who is this teenager, you know who you are.  Pete is the lead guitarist and main song writer for band Fall Out Boy.  (I know who?)  Anyways make lots of money, is married to the other Simpson sister, is a grown man, blah blah blah.  Yes, we all have our own style, but really is even trying? 

And why is he wearing his kids bonnet?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Not really much we can do, I am guessing this old dog won't learn new tricks.  And he is a clothing designer, yup saw the line in Nordstroms, he should know better.  We could let out the pants, remove the bonnet and give it back to Bronx and I will allow the "man bag" since I think its for the kid.  Sorry now all I keep thinking is from the 'Hangover', its a satchel. 

Regardless, this vent will not get any of us anywhere and I should probably be nicer, but what fun is that.  I do think he and Ashlee have stylists.  And I am sure when needed, he can-doesn't mean he will, dress appropriately.  Pete, if your excuse to wear that hat is your cold, BURN the pants and use the flames to keep yourself warm.  I mean c'mon your kid seems plenty fine in the Los Angeles weather.

Hulk....Angry....

I guess if you got it, your rock it right? Well all I can think is, this dress screams Incredible Hulk to me...what about you? Even has the tear on the thigh, c'mon, its a fair comparison. Don't get me wrong, I like Cameron Diaz, but this dress makes me angry.

The color is fine and at least she attempted to class up the movie premiere, for the movie she did with Tom Cruise. And I can appreciate trying to be sexy and flaunt your long legs with a slit up the side. Not sure however about the slit up the middle. And its pretty close to showing too much of Cameron.  And although I know she was pretty ripped for previous roles in action movies, she is bulging in places she probably shouldn't be. So the dress may be a bit too tight. Just because everything fits in the dress, doesn't make it right.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well go to alterations and get it let out a bit.  And then, well lets face it, we cannot replace fabric.  Just like I cannot make my jeans longer, I cannot move this slit around to the side or cover it up.  I am not a seamstress, but maybe if you let it out you can make the slit a little shorter?  But this is most likely satin, which I imagine is not too forgiving along the seams.

Again, I generally like her style.  So the stylist can keep his or her job.  I think this is a case of bad clothes and good people.  And its not as bad of some stuff I have seen, but I would want to start fresh, it would take oo much money going to alterations-she could just buy a new dress.  Cameron,  I just watched 'The Box' which I do believe bombed at the box office (I can totally see why) and take my advice.  Remove this dress, light on fire and BURN...which is what you should of done to that script when you got it. (Yep...it was that bad.)

"Have you seen my Harley?"

"I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas." 

                                                                                -Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

Fashion-wise on 'Gossip Girl', very few can hold a candle to Leighton Meester as Blair.  However, I can promise you that this outfit has never seen the light of day on screen...the costume designers would never allow it.

So what happened, I mean the girl is in Paris filming, fashion capital of the world. A shopping spree gone wrong?  No stylist supervision?  She ran into a biker who wanted to maker her his girlfriend?

Whatever the reason, this outfit doesn't work for her.  She is 24 years old and this outfit ages her tremendously.  Its not so much the leather but the embroidering and the piping, something I guess you try in Paris and not Los Angeles. Well try something else out Blair!

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

As I mentioned, the leather is probably okay, but all that other stuff should be removed.  And she is pretty covered up, so such a chunky shoe isn't necessary.  The shoe must have some sort of structure, but not so heavy.  And maybe throw in some color with a summer shoe color? 

Long Story short, I love the character Blair on 'Gossip Girl', but even she couldn't be saved from this outfit.  I doubt she had time to have a stylist approve and obviously didn't run this by her wardrobe department.  Maybe its because I am so used to seeing her with a headband, but this whole outfit is so not her.  Leighton, find a nice romantic spot, grab your on-again, off-again BF, start a fire and BURN ASAP!!! 

-XO XO Gossip Girl

The Oscar doesn't go to YOU!

"Thank you Academy...this means so much.  First and foremost I would like to thank God.  And my parents, especially my creepy dad.  But most importantly the fans, without your support I would be nothing."

Oh wait, Jessica you're not accepting the little gold statue...you are the lil statue.  At first glance this dress may not seem so bad, but look closer.  When hiding "curves" one shouldn't necessarily wear things with lines to draw attention to them.  Also, nude is a tough color to pull off for almost anyone, especially if your pale.  And the dress is a little too long, you should be able to see a bit of her shoes or toes, not sure if her clutch goes or clashes with the shoes....I CANNOT SEE THEM! This was a mess, I mean a miss...and I didn't even show you the back. Picture a arrow pointed right at her tush, yep, you can't even make this stuff up.


Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Removing embellishment is number one job.  Then shorten it and see if you can dye it, several colors might work.  I am sure the designer won't like this, but you can't please everyone.  And she sure didn't please me with this dress.

One would assume with the mockery Jessica received with the mom jeans on stage, she would go out and hire the best stylist.  Her buddy Ken Paves got her hair right, so maybe he should become her fashion stylist and not just do her hair.  But with that said, we all know she has people, lots of people.  Although this dress isn't hideous and could be fixed, its not right for Jessica.  And lets face it, #1 job for a stylist is to know your client.  So I would say Jessica, although this isn't going to cause the mom-jean fiasco, FIRE!!!

BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE

I have never claimed to be a good singer.  And as talents go, musical ones would not be high on the list.  Although I maintain I play a mean drum on Guitar Hero.  I do think that I have an eye for fashion and picking out the good, the bad and the ugly in wardrobe picks.  And LeAnn Rimes, this the bad...but at least you can sing.

I realize the 80's are back and this dress reminds be of a Atari video games, very space invaders.  And US Weekly put this a Who wore it best poll on their website, so I actually saw what the dress was supposed to look like and there were definite alterations done here.  The dress was bunched at the sides, which could of been okay, but it looks like the hem has come undone and it is now making an unflattering hemline.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

The dress might be fine if it was a solid color and had a simpler belt.  There are way to many angles going on with the heart shaped bust line, the belt with multiple points and again, the unflattering bottom hemline.  There is just too much going on that the eye has no idea where to look.  I would unbunch the dress and straighten out the skirt.  The shirt should be a straight line on the bottom.  Also a necklace might help draw attention to her face. 

I guess I can see what she was trying to do here, but it didn't work.  I will leave my personal comments about her personal life alone and simply say that stick to music, because picking outfits is not her forte.  I do believe she had a stylist for this one, so she should keep the dress and follow my instructions. Then LeAnn write a song about how you will FIRE your stylist and then do it...soon!

No Silver Lining Here

Everyone, guy or gal, should have a good suit.  It is as important as a woman's lil black dress or a mans nice watch, a staple really.  Whether your looking for a new job or going to a fancy event, it should be clean and ironed (one of my pet peeves is wrinkles).  And the Tony Awards is a big night for those Broadway type people.

However when I see this suit on Cate Blanchett,  I think of two things, 1) Action hero body suit and 2) slinky.  The jacket itself is fine and even without anything underneath it is okay, the necklace helps that out.  But the pants are entirely to tight.  I don't know what her shoes look like, I am guessing that judging my her silver clutch they are silver too.

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Cate, this outfit is way to mono-tone.  Maybe if it was a black suit it would be okay or some of the shine was removed.  The pants need to be let out as well from the knee.  And a pop of color would definitely help, whether it be the clutch or the shoes.  Even throwing that lil black dress (I am sure you have one) under the jacket could hep.

She is a pretty classy dame, so I am sure she has a stylist.  I would be surprised if she didn't.  In fact, I would bet my slinky collection on it...if I had one that is.  After looking at other of her outfits, I have come to the conclusion its time to move on and get some new blood.  So Cate, call up your stylist, make them put on the suit and look at the mirror.  And while they are blinded by the gleam of the suit, FIRE them!!!

I Might Sing better than you Dress...

I am all for the dressed up business suit look, especially when going to a premiere.  I occasionally pull out the "Men's Wear" look for work and have come up with Vest Thursday.  Currently I am the only one that adheres to this in my work place, but that isn't the issue here.  The issue is, this thrown together outfit by that kid that was in that Disney movie...I think it was called 'High School Musical.'

Corbin Bleu, it looks like you threw three random grey pieces of clothing together and walked out the door to the 'Last Airbender' premiere.   I understand the, I just rolled out of bed look, may work for some Hollywood stars, but you are not cool enough to pull that off.  In fact, I don't think many of you can pull it off.  And your pants are wrinkled, do you know how to use a iron?

Hmmm, how to save the outfit?

Well first I would make sure your vest and pants match, even if one is pinstriped that is okay.  You may be able to get away with it if your shirt wasn't a tank top and a 3rd shade of grey.  Which leads me to my next point.  Put on a grown up shirt, a nice collared shirt would be great.  Any color will work, but if you want to be taken seriously as a actor, you may need to look like the young adult you are.  Also hate your shoes, are you planning on helping Santa in a few months?

Corbin, I assume you have some musical talent and that I guess when they say God doesn't give with both hands, this is true in your case.  He or she, did not give you the fashion gene, which is a shame, because do you even act anymore?  Due to that fact, I would say you probably don't have a regular stylist to help you out.  My consensus on your outfit is this, BURN your tank top, shoes and those pants, which are way too long for you and match your outfit to your vest.  And hire some help...your "metro" HSM co-star Zac Efron may be available for consultation...

Balloon Dart Game Anyone?

Let me start off by saying, no this is not Miranda from 'Sex and the City.'  Sorry old joke, but I know you thought it too. 

I was recently told that I need to broaden my age group of men and women that I "Pick On" or as I like to put it, am honest about.  But  I was raised to respect my elders, but you asked for it and I am here to give it to you. So I saw this picture and couldn't stop myself.  Two birds, one stone.

Oscar winner Tilda Swanson needs some serious help here.  At a recent movie premiere she showed up wearing what I can only assume in a black hot air balloon... turtleneck?  (Now I have 'Black Balloon' by the Goo Goo Dolls in my head-feel free to hum along when reading this.)

Hmmm, how to save the outfit? 

Lets face it, she is pretty pale, no crazy make up or hot shoes to detract from the ugliness of this dress.  Its not good for her body figure at all, but you could...?  What if you...? Nope cannot think of a way to fix it.  And are those blue satin shoes? 

Ok here is my suggestion Tilda, hire a stylist ASAP.  I know you don't make blockbuster films to make huge paydays-but certainly 'Michael Clayton' paid you well. And BURN the dress STAT!!!